<![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior - Deadspin Comments]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior - Deadspin Comments]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> @Burning River: Is it possible that he herniated his jaw from sucking so much?

Magnakai Haaskivi

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> josereyes.theroof wishes to perform Tim Harris's sack-dance for you

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> This is T. Herman Zweibel, reporting for Deadspin Sports.

thetaxman

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> SSW is Weintraub? Weintraub is SSW?

Burns eyes....ahhhhh, damn what a way to ruin my Tax Day

Herbies_Wingman

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> ItsAlwaysSunnyInGoldenState

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> YOU SUUUUUCK, WEINTRAUB!

Silky John-STON!

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> you know, I think I'm actually starting to get these...

it's like one of those pictures that looks like a bunch of crap, but if you stare the right way you see the Statue of Liberty.

I've seen the Statue of Liberty.

Sir Hotbod Handsomeface

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> "[This] is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever [read]. At no point in your rambling, incoherent [piece] were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone [visiting this page] is now dumber for having [seen] it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul."

LenPasquarelli'sStretchMarks

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> @Creepy Old Man: Thanks

Bullshooter

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> You know that feeling you get when you lean back in your chair just a little too far and you jerk forward to catch yourself?

That is how this article makes me feel.

Chuff

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> @Bullshooter: "ego-letters" refers to the letter "I". Translating ancient English to modern English, this means Torii Hunter hit one home run for each "i" in his first name.

I knew being older than dirt would come in handy around here some day. Now get off my lawn!

Creepy Old Man

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> BigRicks

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> @Yinka Double Dare:

That might be true, although I get the sense that this picture is pretty indicative of the majority of fanbases around the league.
[deadspin.com]

SlantedAndDisenchanted

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> J-No

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> SlantedAndDisenchanted: That depends on what games you're going to. The White Sox usually have a pretty healthy amount of Hispanic and Latino fans in the stands probably due in part to proximity to some major Hispanic/Latino neighborhoods. The Marlins have cornered the market on the Invisible Man fan demographic.

Yinka Double Dare

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> I picture him writing this on an old Sholes and Glidden, wearing a fedora with a press badge tucked inside the brim, sporting a rolled up set of sleeves, necktie slightly loosened and a pair of understated, yet oddly reassuring suspenders. Yes, 'twas a simpler time back then...

Ah crap, I think I caught it too...

Dan Levy

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> So this is like what The Onion tried to do except they succeeded?

[www.theonion.com]

ArkansasFred

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> @The Fan's Attic: Elitist, contrived, some might even say... mediocre.

I appreciate Weintraub's ability rock a thesaurus for the sake of his pun-job stylings, but what this does to further any kind of sports discourse is beyond me.

GreatOdensRaven

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> @Magnakai Haaskivi: Looks like Borowski is heading to the DL. They're reporting strained triceps, but we all know it actually a torn labia.

Im Hafner the man I used to be back when I was using PEDs

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> @Suss--: @DennyCrane:

It's like an elitist Bill Simmons piece.

The Fan’s Attic

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> How about a foreskin four-bagger that propels your side to victory?

And that's where you lost me.

CreamsicleOrange

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> Could someone explain "ego-letters" to me, because google can't.

Bullshooter

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> This guy should be locked up next to the child kidnapper from the Chevy Tahoe commercials.

alftime

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> @DennyCrane: @Suss--:

Don't you guys know how a pile-on works?

Gourmet Spud

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> Ironic that he chooses to honor "the week's best baseball game" by submitting the week's worst column.

Its The Beer Talking

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> Now for the love of God and of Seint John, Weintraub the scribe telleth us anothre pore tale anon and, lo, the tyme wasteth nyght and daye; the scounderell hath steleth tyme from thys Companye, ne'er to be recover'd.

Smite him with crueltee, Lorde William of Mattoon!

Green Weenie

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> @Suss--: Thank you!

DennyCrane

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> @VTBen: THESE MENTAL HEALTH DAYS S

SUCK

brougham

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> "You know what," I said, "I don't have to read this shit. I don't care. But what you did back in football season was bullshit. You obviously had the right not to listen to me, but to ruin baseball writing too - something you don't even know - in front of this entire site is just pathetic ..."

"No, screw you," I interrupted.

/pearlman'd

GibbonJockey

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> I found it shallow and pedantic.

Get Him A Body Bag, Yeah!

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> So, I'm just gonna say it. This is sorta fun to read.

Matt Sussman

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> But wait, there's...

/kills self in most gruesome fashion

GorgeForeman

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> [insert anti-Weintraub comment here.] Only 5 more months till a new batch of SSWs!

WordUpThome: IS ANAHEIM DUTCH FOR ANGELS?

VTBen

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> MitchKayak

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> Forsooth this literary diatribe by the tedious and oft loquacious Weintraub, is shit.

Natrone Means Business

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> @GLOBBAL WARMING: Oh, don't get me wrong. it's still by far the worst shit that ends up here every week.

DennyCrane

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> Weintraub, destroying Deadspin one post at a time.

HazelMaesLandingStrip

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> "A long sock with the bags bursting ... "

Weintraub, were you at my prom?

Sherrill-Theory

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> Will Save the Fan by stopping this.

GLOBBAL WARMING

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> I forgot to check--was Weintraub given extra special kissy kissy thanks in the foreword to Will's book(s)? jesus mary and joseph......there has to be a reason. We need Bess Marvin to investigate both of these guys--that oughta stop it.

Johnny LaRue

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> next.

The Fan’s Attic

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> @Rob Iracane:
Well, considering that a report was released today showing that blacks comprise only 8.2% of MLB players, it makes sense.

Unfortunately, the study did not confirm whether white people comprise 99.5% of the fans that show up to baseball games.

SlantedAndDisenchanted

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> Uh Grantland Rice yes, Red Smith no. Smith was known as the antithesis of the overly flowerly purprle prose of 1920s and earlier sportswriters.

HugsFromHarold

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> Torii speculated slider, and was proven Buffet-esque in this capacity.

I thought this was supposed to be written in the early 1900s style? What's next, references to Warrant and reality television?

Gourmet Spud

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> "The Glue Handed Patroller of the Middle Exterior"

What a coincidence. That was the title of the "America's Most Wanted" I was featured on.

Also, this column sucks.

blackheartededitor

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> Somehow, I feel this gimmick won't last another 20-something weeks. I mean, Conan O'Brien could only get five minutes out of it.

SlickBomb

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> There's a reason why people don't write like that anymore: Television was invented, so us darn ignorant folks no longer had to tolerate the purple prose (read: overwritten tripe) that a lack of visual access once permitted.

Crookednose

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...

Stupid Weintraub. Be More Funny!

Reasonable Doubt for a Reasonable Price

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> Purple Prose is like herpes, you have to wait a week to see if it comes back

cowbell204

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> Robert "Sportswriter" Weintraub, I have a box of Australian chocolate muffins I'd like to send you.

Jews For Purple Jesus

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> @DennyCrane:Let's not get carried away.

GLOBBAL WARMING

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> fill it up with petroleum distillate, post haste.

Babcocksure

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> bring out the bear! bring out the bear!

/Statler

Hit Bull Win Steak

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> the fuck....?!

ILovePaleHoseandPaleHos

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> @Rob Iracane: Indeed. Couldn't be more appropriate

"I told you when I got here, me and the rally monkey would be good friends," exulted Hunter in the dressing room. Someone has to pal around with that mangy, unlovable ape...

GreatOdensRaven

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> @twoeightnine: I'm waiting for Jeff Pearlman to write an investigative piece about it.

Rob Iracane

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> And here I was, fearing that the reaction to last week's column meant there wouldn't be another one this week. Silly me.

44 in a Row

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> OK, that's it. I give. Uncle. At least the SSW had the benefit of brevity.

Signal to Noise

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> First SSW, now this? This man still torments us with lame writing even during the NFL offseason. But wait, there's more....

The Vigilante Face

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> chim-chim-cheroo?

StevePerryPsychOut

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> A long sock with the bags bursting? Is this baseball prose or a pirate-era literary porn? Is there even a difference?

Doyle McPoyle

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> What a great honor on Jackie Robinson Day! Writing in the style of the time when non-whites weren't allowed to play! Whee!

You should see John Rocker's tribute.

twoeightnine

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> Why won't it just die already!!!

Afino

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> You know ... this was passable. Maybe even a little bit good.

DennyCrane

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> Why write about Borowski's epic failure last week when you can mind last night's Borowski epic failure instead?

Magnakai Haaskivi

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> I found this quite sublime.

Tomato and Basil McRae

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> Carlton_Whitfield

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> What a great honor on Jackie Robinson Day! Writing in the style of the time when non-whites weren't allowed to play! Whee!

Rob Iracane

]]> <![CDATA[The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior]]> confederate washington

theothermatt

]]>