Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans - Deadspin Comments

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

Bullet_Tooth_Tony — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 18:46:29 EDT

@Greek McPapadopoulos: Or... Wigwam

Bullet_Tooth_Tony

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

Greek McPapadopoulos — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 06:04:21 EDT

See, BDD, kids today think that comedy is dirty words. It's not. It's words that sound dirty, like Mukluk!

Greek McPapadopoulos

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

Bullet_Tooth_Tony — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 21:23:55 EDT

"Is my dick erect and I'm not aware of it?" Wakes me up every time... And if it don't wake Her up, well... "Superman that ho!"

Bullet_Tooth_Tony

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

HobeforeHos — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 19:37:17 EDT

I had a similar open mike career--two times and out. I think that if you want to be a comedian you have to work through that shit, but I can't imagine wanting to be a comedian after experiences like that.

HobeforeHos

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

thefuseproject — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 17:14:12 EDT

Since nobody has asked yet...how much for a copy of the tape?

thefuseproject

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

ImAManImForty — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 16:53:13 EDT

Last time I went to a sex shop, the multi-pierced guy and the multi-inked chick behind the counter went bonkers over my AMEX Blue card. Really...

I said back to them, "Guys, right behind you is a dildo the size of a Hickory Farms summer sausage and you are intrigued by that? How jaded are you?"

I got a laugh out of the room - nice moment.

ImAManImForty

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

Grandjester — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 16:48:20 EDT

What?!?!

BDD + BBD does not equal comedy gold?

Grandjester

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

jabostick — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 16:24:35 EDT

Your big black cock comedy bit was different than Gareth Keenan/David Brent's big black cock comedy bit but neither went over well.

/life lesson?

jabostick

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

Swolestice — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 16:13:55 EDT

Dude, that guy is wearing a Big Dog shirt.

Let the Big Dog eat.

Swolestice

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

Shenanigans — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 16:08:18 EDT

Public speaking is FAR more difficult than public football playing. Although, If i was carrying around a big black dildo when I was playing football, it may have became a bit harder. (Playing The game, not my Dick.)

Shenanigans

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

DanzaSlap — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 16:07:01 EDT

A box of big black dildos!

Do that again, you'll get more than a dildo to the head!

/Mr. Show

DanzaSlap

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

grinderpete — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 16:03:52 EDT

So what did you do with the big black dildo? Is it on your nightstand? I will just assume that is where it ended up.

grinderpete

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

BillyMumphry — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 15:48:15 EDT

So that rules out stand-up and writing..

BillyMumphry

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

I_LIKE_THE_WAY_SNRUB_THINKS — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 15:46:03 EDT

Skinner: Why do you always run out of tardy slips before you run out of permission slips?

Nelson: Why do you suck?

Skinner: I lack confidence...

I_LIKE_THE_WAY_SNRUB_THINKS

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

Chamomiles Davis — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 15:41:50 EDT

One time I took my car to a quantum mechanic. I asked him, "Can you fix it?" He said, "Yes and no."

/I'm here all week

Chamomiles Davis

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

sir_pantsalot — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 15:40:54 EDT

Now what will Trevor Immelmans mom do when she googles her sons name and sees the title "Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans" pops up?

sir_pantsalot

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

Dany Heatley Speedwagon — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 15:39:13 EDT

Don't you hate pants?

Dany Heatley Speedwagon

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

dismalScientist — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 15:36:55 EDT

Sports news without Access, Favor, Discretion, or Sports

dismalScientist

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

PenskeMaterial — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 15:30:21 EDT

(Big black rubber) dick joke.

PenskeMaterial

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

7th Floor King Dingaling — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 15:27:24 EDT

Why do they call it Ovaltine? It's not oval. Why not Round-tine?

7th Floor King Dingaling

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

the earl of weaver — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 15:17:17 EDT

I participated in a Freestyle Open Mic Night once at the Providence Black Repertory Company. Boy was I glad I left my big black didlo at home that night.

the earl of weaver

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

David Hume — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 15:13:52 EDT

I always thought standup comedy would be good for my ego.
Girls would be the ones paying money to laugh at me in a bar, not the other way around...

David Hume

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

Rozelle’s Bagman — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 15:11:28 EDT

I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.

Rozelle’s Bagman

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

Spanish Necktie — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 15:09:46 EDT

BDD: What are you two doing here?
Stadler: We entered a contest for tickets
Waldorf: Yeah, we lost! Mwhahaha

Spanish Necktie

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

Jews For Purple Jesus — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 15:09:27 EDT

Wouldn't it have been more appropriate to have the guy slap the ham sandwich prior to a discussion about handjobs?

/awaits groans

Jews For Purple Jesus

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

Weed Against Speed — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 15:09:18 EDT

@Carlton_Whitfield: I think doing impressions on how people throughout history would react in traffic would be a solid bit as well.

Weed Against Speed

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

Slothrop — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 15:08:21 EDT

I watched a friend do open mic once. The crowd kinda turned on him when he did a bit about killing all his girlfriend's exes and therefore re-establishing her virginity. But they were a bunch of rubes who didn't get it.

Slothrop

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

ILovePaleHoseandPaleHos — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 15:06:50 EDT

@The Teufel Shuffle: Mel Kiper told him to?

ILovePaleHoseandPaleHos

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

jwaves2007 — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 15:06:32 EDT

Good thing you didn't lock up before you wrote this...oh nevermind.

jwaves2007

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

Carlton_Whitfield — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 15:05:29 EDT

I don't see what's so hard about stand-up.
"Why do they call it Ovaltine? The mug is round. The jar is round. They should call it Roundtine."

Carlton_Whitfield

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

MenaceIISobriety — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 15:05:01 EDT

i stranger joined my foursome once. he had a big black dildo.

MenaceIISobriety

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

Crookednose — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 15:02:44 EDT

"I was stoned."

In front of strangers, all looking at you and shit?

Crookednose

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

1980 David Bowie From The Music Video Ashes To Ashes — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 15:02:39 EDT

The black dildo bit is very Stella-esque.

1980 David Bowie From The Music Video Ashes To Ashes

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

The Teufel Shuffle — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 15:01:34 EDT

Also, can somebody tell me why the hell Ron Jaworski is massaging a cat's tonsils on the left half of this screen?

The Teufel Shuffle

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

Weed Against Speed — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 15:00:49 EDT

@The Teufel Shuffle: Nope. Tony Romo's.

Weed Against Speed

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

OchentaYcinco — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 15:00:31 EDT

That big black dildo bit? Gold, Jerry, gold!

OchentaYcinco

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

The Teufel Shuffle — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 14:58:55 EDT

You brought Barbaro's severed cock onto the stage? That's just wrong.

The Teufel Shuffle

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

Slothrop — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 14:57:35 EDT

So you're saying Ape shouldn't try stand up to pay the bills? Harsh Drew, harsh.

Slothrop

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

Midwestern-City_Water-Vapor — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 14:55:31 EDT

You should have went to the flapping dickey bit... that is gold.

Midwestern-City_Water-Vapor

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

Jews For Purple Jesus — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 14:54:29 EDT

The rest of the day he was selling spiked anal beads to 60-year-old men

Drew must've just missed Marv Albert.

Jews For Purple Jesus

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

Weed Against Speed — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 14:54:13 EDT

@Gourmet Spud: "Man, your mom is hot."

Weed Against Speed

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

Gourmet Spud — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 14:53:45 EDT

@Len Bias Cocaine Surplus:

Nice.

Gourmet Spud

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

Jezzies-Scare-Me — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 14:53:35 EDT

THE ARISTOCRATS!

\Obvious

Jezzies-Scare-Me

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

Doyle McPoyle — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 14:52:54 EDT

Suprised that "FUCK ME"/getting beat to orgasm thing didn't work. Cosby used to absolutely kill it with that bit.

Doyle McPoyle

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

Disgruntled Goat — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 14:52:32 EDT

@Lady Andrea: I'm not gonna even ask about your weekends.

Disgruntled Goat

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

David Hume — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 14:50:53 EDT

Ever had to take an oral test in school?

Oral test? My theater professor offered to give me an A one time, but he called it something different.

David Hume

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

Gourmet Spud — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 14:50:32 EDT

And any subject you bring up is an automatic dead end?

"Um, so...that Ted Bundy sure killed a lot of women. (to self) Stupid. Stupid."

Gourmet Spud

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

HIV 2 Elway — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 14:47:09 EDT

The secret to remaining calm on stage, convincing yourself that you're better than everyone in the audience. The fact that they want you to succeed helps too.

HIV 2 Elway

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

The Diesel — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 14:46:42 EDT

What happens when a brown chicken hooks up with a brown cow?

Brownchicken Browncow....Brownchicken Browncow.

I don't see what's so hard about standup.

The Diesel

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

Yinka Double Dare — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 14:46:39 EDT

Yeah, Immelman had nerves of steel. Well, other than that whole "hitting it in the drink on 16" business.

Yinka Double Dare

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

Gourmet Spud — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 14:44:17 EDT

Oh, and I had it videotaped.

And thus was born the sports blogging world's version of "The Day the Clown Cried."

Gourmet Spud

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

Weed Against Speed — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 14:43:32 EDT

I couldn't see anyone. I couldn't hear anyone. I felt like I was underwater. Time slowed to nothing.

That's the same way I felt that one time I smuggled heroin across the Mexican border in balloons that were very discreetly hidden.

Wait. What?

Weed Against Speed

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

DennyCrane — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 14:42:32 EDT

@MDT:
"Not bad."
"Not good either."

DennyCrane

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

Dr. Michael Mancini — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 14:42:26 EDT

So, Greg Norman says to Nick Faldo, white people wrap their hand around the shaft like this, black people cup the balls like this.

Dr. Michael Mancini

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

Lady Andrea — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 14:42:20 EDT

@MDT:

S: Boo!
W: Boooo!
S: That was the worst thing I've ever heard!
W: It was terrible!
S: Horrendous!
W: Well it wasn't that bad.
S: Oh, yeah?
W: Well, there were parts of it I liked!
S: Well, I liked alot of it.
W: Yeah, it was GOOD actually.
S: It was great!
W: It was wonderful!
S: Yeah, bravo!
W: More!
S: More!

Lady Andrea

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

MitchKayak — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 14:41:48 EDT

Things I would never expect in a BDD bit:

My Fair Lady videos.

MitchKayak

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

Lindsay Lohans Left Boob — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 14:41:47 EDT

So Greg Louganis, Richard Simmons, Liberace, and BDD walk into a bar...

Lindsay Lohans Left Boob

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

FEAST — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 14:40:22 EDT

And all this time I thought you were Bill Cosby.

FEAST

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

Lady Andrea — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 14:40:01 EDT

That first gig? That's, like, Tuesday.

Lady Andrea

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

Dany Heatley Speedwagon — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 14:39:51 EDT

There was singing, and dancing, and probably people juggling balls of yarn and shit.

People were juggling shit? Light it on fire then call me impressed.

Dany Heatley Speedwagon

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

Carlton_Whitfield — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 14:38:40 EDT

I assume Iracane is the Dean of the Comedic Pyramid Engineering School?

Carlton_Whitfield

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

MDT — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 14:38:27 EDT

What did Statler and Waldorf have to say about the dildo bit?

MDT

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

DennyCrane — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 14:38:14 EDT

UCBTheatreholdsabsolutelyfreeamateurnightseveryotherweek says what?

DennyCrane

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

Afino — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 14:37:31 EDT

Did anyone tell Tom Cotter "Welcome Back"???

/i'll show myself out

Afino

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

Dany Heatley Speedwagon — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 14:37:10 EDT

Seinfeld, four!

Dany Heatley Speedwagon

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

muggsybogues — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 14:36:53 EDT

I'm not positive, but the intro may be a hair long.

muggsybogues

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

cowbell204 — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 14:36:34 EDT

Video of beating off giant black dildo?

cowbell204

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

Afino — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 14:36:24 EDT

Writing FUCK ME on your chest also helps in those instances

This also works in college to the first guy that passes out. Except it's usually on the ass with an arrow pointing.....

Afino

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

Stay Away From Oprah — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 14:36:18 EDT

@The Diesel: Apparently neither is birth control.

[www.tmz.com]

Stay Away From Oprah

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

Disgruntled Goat — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 14:36:07 EDT

This time, I made a ham sandwich for a guy in the crowd and made him eat it.

He tip well?

Disgruntled Goat

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

Natrone Means Business — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 14:35:55 EDT

@Len Bias Cocaine Surplus: Last week? Don't you mean it will be on Mind of Mencia next week?

Natrone Means Business

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

GreatOdensRaven — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 14:35:32 EDT

I did the open mic/bringer thing for 6 months in NYC... The stones for 'em show up quickly or they don't show up at all. Humbling. VERY humbling.

Good stuff, BDD.

GreatOdensRaven

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

Civil Negligence — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 14:34:43 EDT

Big black dildos? Me thinks Chicago Sun-Times will be firing Jay Marriotti in the coming days...

Civil Negligence

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

BigJimSlade — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 14:33:57 EDT

@Len Bias Cocaine Surplus:
Joe Rogan told me to give you +1

BigJimSlade

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

Len Bias Cocaine Surplus — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 14:32:57 EDT

I think I saw the big black dildo bit on Mind of Mencia last week.

Len Bias Cocaine Surplus

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

ILovePaleHoseandPaleHos — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 14:31:36 EDT

"He didn't have a big black dildo in his hands when he did it, but still."

But Elin did.

ILovePaleHoseandPaleHos

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

Civil Negligence — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 14:30:42 EDT

Woka-woka!

Civil Negligence

Trevor Immelman, Big Black Dildos, Ham Sandwiches, Whippings And The Abandonment Of Game Plans

The Diesel — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 14:30:40 EDT

Standup comedy isn't for Dane Cook either.

The Diesel