<![CDATA[Only Soccer Can Get You Off The Junk - Deadspin Comments]]> <![CDATA[Only Soccer Can Get You Off The Junk - Deadspin Comments]]> <![CDATA[Only Soccer Can Get You Off The Junk]]> @StevieY19: You subscribe to Wm. Burroughs & Jim Carroll's newsletter?

josereyes.theroof wishes to perform Tim Harris's sack-dance for you

]]> <![CDATA[Only Soccer Can Get You Off The Junk]]> As a fan of both Trainspotting and soccer, I tried to make some sort of joke that wouldn't involve me posting Begbie's speech, but I couldn't.

Plus, I don't remember all of it.

Turd Ferguson

]]> <![CDATA[Only Soccer Can Get You Off The Junk]]> I bet the heroin addicts are just itching to get those tickets.

/here all week

Laser Guided

]]> <![CDATA[Only Soccer Can Get You Off The Junk]]> @thefuseproject: Perhaps your heroin high clouded your judgment?

Sherrill-Theory

]]> <![CDATA[Only Soccer Can Get You Off The Junk]]> I'd just scalp my tickets for smack money.

RachelRayIsTheDevil

]]> <![CDATA[Only Soccer Can Get You Off The Junk]]> /thread-WARNING

Today I bought some "Screamin' Dill Pickle" Pringles, you know, on a whim.

Whims are wrong. Bad and wrong.

/end thread-WARNING

thefuseproject

]]> <![CDATA[Only Soccer Can Get You Off The Junk]]> Cool! I love soccer! I'll be on the next fligh...

-Janis Joplin

Secret Identity

]]> <![CDATA[Only Soccer Can Get You Off The Junk]]> I'n American we just let them drive in the NASCAR truck series.

thefuseproject

]]> <![CDATA[Only Soccer Can Get You Off The Junk]]> Looks like I picked a bad day to stop sniffing glue...

hockalees

]]> <![CDATA[Only Soccer Can Get You Off The Junk]]> We'll be the pale gaunt guy with the sunken eyes.

/fixed

EVillJoe

]]> <![CDATA[Only Soccer Can Get You Off The Junk]]> Don't you have to be on drugs to enjoy soccer anyway?

jwaves2007

]]> <![CDATA[Only Soccer Can Get You Off The Junk]]> That trainspotting dude in the chair kinda looks like me. If I were forced to watch a soccer & women's golf marathon on a Sunday afternoon in October when both the NFL and game seven of the ALCS were on the tube.

Johnny LaRue

]]> <![CDATA[Only Soccer Can Get You Off The Junk]]> What about horse tranquilizers?

Grimey

]]> <![CDATA[Only Soccer Can Get You Off The Junk]]> Wow, I'd really like a free ticket, but I'm not a heroin addict.

Well, do what you gotta do.

/wraps rubber hose around arm

blackheartededitor

]]> <![CDATA[Only Soccer Can Get You Off The Junk]]> So you're going to take someone who has shown "genuine commitment to living a normal, structured life"... and then send them to an English soccer game. Sure, great plan.

44 in a Row

]]> <![CDATA[Only Soccer Can Get You Off The Junk]]> Newcastle tickets? No thanks, I'll stay on the smack.

Detective Bunk

]]> <![CDATA[Only Soccer Can Get You Off The Junk]]> In a related story, next year New York dealers are giving away Knicks tickets in an effort to get people to start doing heroin.

/ba-dum ching

Sherrill-Theory

]]> <![CDATA[Only Soccer Can Get You Off The Junk]]> I once entered a 12-step program to kick my prawn sandwich addiction.

spinachdip

]]> <![CDATA[Only Soccer Can Get You Off The Junk]]> Something like this happened to me while living in Utah except instead of tickets it was a pass and instead of a soccer match it was the third tier of a fiery hell.

AkAggie

]]> <![CDATA[Only Soccer Can Get You Off The Junk]]> This is like the time my girlfriend tried to cure me of heterosexuality by giving me tickets to 27 Dresses.

Gourmet Spud

]]> <![CDATA[Only Soccer Can Get You Off The Junk]]> Michigan students think they may be onto something.

being_sven

]]> <![CDATA[Only Soccer Can Get You Off The Junk]]> If I was one of those recovering heroin addicts, I imagine I'd take the tickets, enjoy the game, and celebrate afterwards by shooting some heroin.

FThat

]]> <![CDATA[Only Soccer Can Get You Off The Junk]]> They tried this already in the States; it's why nobody follows hockey anymore.

The Teufel Shuffle

]]> <![CDATA[Only Soccer Can Get You Off The Junk]]> It's tough to incentivize a person trying to kick a heroin habit.

Punt-astic!

Brazil Thrill

]]> <![CDATA[Only Soccer Can Get You Off The Junk]]> To ensure no gateways to cocaine habits, the actual tickets are serrated.

Matt Sussman

]]> <![CDATA[Only Soccer Can Get You Off The Junk]]> 1) Start using heroin.

2) ??????

3) Profit!

StevieY19

]]> <![CDATA[Only Soccer Can Get You Off The Junk]]> Heroin's a helluva drug.

Spanish Necktie

]]> <![CDATA[Only Soccer Can Get You Off The Junk]]> Just don't give them tix to an Arsenal match. Smack is the only way they'll be able to cope with the inevitable soul-crushing disappointment.

Michael Bertin

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