<![CDATA[ESPN Wants You To Write Their Eulogy - Deadspin Comments]]> http://cache.gawker.com/assets/base/img/thumbs140x140/deadspin.com.png <![CDATA[ESPN Wants You To Write Their Eulogy - Deadspin Comments]]> http://deadspin.com Mon, 21 Apr 2008 14:47:44 EDT Mon, 21 Apr 2008 14:47:44 EDT http://deadspin.com/381867/espn-wants-you-to-write-their-eulogy <![CDATA[ESPN Wants You To Write Their Eulogy]]> http://deadspin.com/381867/espn-wants-you-to-write-their-eulogy#c5296402 @The Joy of Cesc: Now I don't mind Matt Holliday missing out on the hardware.

Tapeleg

]]> 11:381867:c5296402 Mon, 21 Apr 2008 14:47:44 EDT <![CDATA[ESPN Wants You To Write Their Eulogy]]> http://deadspin.com/381867/espn-wants-you-to-write-their-eulogy#c5296284 Next on FSN, Who's Gone.

Tapeleg

]]> 11:381867:c5296284 Mon, 21 Apr 2008 14:43:43 EDT <![CDATA[ESPN Wants You To Write Their Eulogy]]> http://deadspin.com/381867/espn-wants-you-to-write-their-eulogy#c5294405 ESPN did another tie-in with the Make A Wish foundation, during which a drunk Chris Berman demanded that a sick child on the set (probably born with his heart on the outside of his body) shut the fuck up so the Swami can concentrate. In a separate incident, John Kruk teabagged the reigning National League MVP during an argument on Baseball Tonight. All of this was filmed, and now we're stuck with Fox Sports and the Big Ten Network, and it isn't as bad as we thought it would be.

The Joy of Cesc

]]> 11:381867:c5294405 Mon, 21 Apr 2008 13:35:21 EDT <![CDATA[ESPN Wants You To Write Their Eulogy]]> http://deadspin.com/381867/espn-wants-you-to-write-their-eulogy#c5288543 @Brazil Thrill - Hawks Aficionado: Every time I see that bulbous head atop that skinny neck I think of Mr. Mackey.
[www.globalfailure.com]

Beer-Fart

]]> 11:381867:c5288543 Mon, 21 Apr 2008 07:41:00 EDT <![CDATA[ESPN Wants You To Write Their Eulogy]]> http://deadspin.com/381867/espn-wants-you-to-write-their-eulogy#c5287356 ESPN had a good run, but in the end it came down to desire for quality sporting news ....

ESPN Commentor

metsarethe...

]]> 11:381867:c5287356 Mon, 21 Apr 2008 00:06:27 EDT <![CDATA[ESPN Wants You To Write Their Eulogy]]> http://deadspin.com/381867/espn-wants-you-to-write-their-eulogy#c5286369 "You're no longer Now, ESPN.

You're Then.

Too bad.

You could have--gone--all--the--way."

gjdodger

]]> 11:381867:c5286369 Sun, 20 Apr 2008 21:48:19 EDT <![CDATA[ESPN Wants You To Write Their Eulogy]]> http://deadspin.com/381867/espn-wants-you-to-write-their-eulogy#c5285770 As he was leaving his office for the last time, ESPN boss George Bodenheimer uttered these words: "He finally did it; Cowherd sunk the WWL. It's all his fault."

metalmaniac

]]> 11:381867:c5285770 Sun, 20 Apr 2008 20:15:53 EDT <![CDATA[ESPN Wants You To Write Their Eulogy]]> http://deadspin.com/381867/espn-wants-you-to-write-their-eulogy#c5285097 @Brazil Thrill - Hawks Aficionado: You're right.

D'oh!

Bearcat44

]]> 11:381867:c5285097 Sun, 20 Apr 2008 17:58:16 EDT <![CDATA[ESPN Wants You To Write Their Eulogy]]> http://deadspin.com/381867/espn-wants-you-to-write-their-eulogy#c5285002 @Bearcat44: I'm pretty sure the Cryptkeeper honors would go to John Clayton.

Brazil Thrill

]]> 11:381867:c5285002 Sun, 20 Apr 2008 17:39:55 EDT <![CDATA[ESPN Wants You To Write Their Eulogy]]> http://deadspin.com/381867/espn-wants-you-to-write-their-eulogy#c5284962 ESPN Cryptkeeper: Beano Cook

Bearcat44

]]> 11:381867:c5284962 Sun, 20 Apr 2008 17:33:54 EDT <![CDATA[ESPN Wants You To Write Their Eulogy]]> http://deadspin.com/381867/espn-wants-you-to-write-their-eulogy#c5284790 Earth, receive an honored guest
ESPN is laid to rest
Let the Bristol vessel lie
Emptied of inanity.

Delicious Pundit

]]> 11:381867:c5284790 Sun, 20 Apr 2008 17:02:03 EDT <![CDATA[ESPN Wants You To Write Their Eulogy]]> http://deadspin.com/381867/espn-wants-you-to-write-their-eulogy#c5284715 When I saw your lifeless body, floating in the pool and our children, little ESPN2, TSN, ESPN The Magazine, and ESPN Star Sports crying while the Disney paramedics dived in desperately trying to reach you to revive you, all I could think of was the appropriateness of it all.

cromartie

]]> 11:381867:c5284715 Sun, 20 Apr 2008 16:49:09 EDT <![CDATA[ESPN Wants You To Write Their Eulogy]]> http://deadspin.com/381867/espn-wants-you-to-write-their-eulogy#c5284391 A suicide.

Though brief, the suicide note was instructive:

"Dear Mom and Dad and Berman,


+ Watch video

I'm sorry,
ESPN"

Bring Me The Head of Karim Garcia

]]> 11:381867:c5284391 Sun, 20 Apr 2008 15:44:48 EDT <![CDATA[ESPN Wants You To Write Their Eulogy]]> http://deadspin.com/381867/espn-wants-you-to-write-their-eulogy#c5284386 @Slothrop: I think they'll just flush it down the toilet like you goldfish when you were a kid.

J-No

]]> 11:381867:c5284386 Sun, 20 Apr 2008 15:43:22 EDT <![CDATA[ESPN Wants You To Write Their Eulogy]]> http://deadspin.com/381867/espn-wants-you-to-write-their-eulogy#c5284382 Deer ESPM,

I will miss you a whole lot. You gay me a chance to matriculate my thinkings on the air. Been a fooball anal lust wasn't easy, but you guys treaded me well and tot me to masturbate my tots intangibly.

Rest in pieces,

Emmitt

Brazil Thrill

]]> 11:381867:c5284382 Sun, 20 Apr 2008 15:42:54 EDT <![CDATA[ESPN Wants You To Write Their Eulogy]]> http://deadspin.com/381867/espn-wants-you-to-write-their-eulogy#c5284372 There will be a fake funeral mass at Yankee Stadium after the pope leaves, led by Steve Phillips.

FThat

]]> 11:381867:c5284372 Sun, 20 Apr 2008 15:41:05 EDT <![CDATA[ESPN Wants You To Write Their Eulogy]]> http://deadspin.com/381867/espn-wants-you-to-write-their-eulogy#c5284301 Any networks's death diminishes
me, because I am involved in mankind.

futuremrsrickankiel

]]> 11:381867:c5284301 Sun, 20 Apr 2008 15:27:09 EDT <![CDATA[ESPN Wants You To Write Their Eulogy]]> http://deadspin.com/381867/espn-wants-you-to-write-their-eulogy#c5284272 Will they bury ESPN by the bike rack or by the coyote decoys?

Slothrop

]]> 11:381867:c5284272 Sun, 20 Apr 2008 15:19:35 EDT <![CDATA[ESPN Wants You To Write Their Eulogy]]> http://deadspin.com/381867/espn-wants-you-to-write-their-eulogy#c5284252 Berman was getting old
Knew he couldn't hack it
Today we bury our friend
In his stupid green jacket

Knicks Legal Counsel

]]> 11:381867:c5284252 Sun, 20 Apr 2008 15:16:11 EDT <![CDATA[ESPN Wants You To Write Their Eulogy]]> http://deadspin.com/381867/espn-wants-you-to-write-their-eulogy#c5284240 [Kenny Mayne], Rufus, and [Mike Tirico] were like brothers to me. And when I say brother, I don't mean actual brother, but I mean like the way black people use it...which is more meaningful, I think. If there's anything that this horrible tragedy can teach us, it's that a [ESPN personality's] life is a precious, precious commodity. Just because [they] have chiseled abs, and stunning features, doesn't mean we can't not die in a freak gasoline fight accident. So today ladies and gentlemen, i would like to take this opportunity to announce my retire---[John Salley and Tom Arnold crash the funeral with Hansel]...I'm pretty sure there's more to life than being really, really, really good [at sports highlights]...and I plan on finding out what that is. Thank you.

/derek zoolander

Nacho Friendly

]]> 11:381867:c5284240 Sun, 20 Apr 2008 15:13:57 EDT <![CDATA[ESPN Wants You To Write Their Eulogy]]> http://deadspin.com/381867/espn-wants-you-to-write-their-eulogy#c5284224 I'm a nice guy, and I don't want to see Erin Andrews homeless. She can stay at my place.

CardinalRedOctober

]]> 11:381867:c5284224 Sun, 20 Apr 2008 15:11:14 EDT <![CDATA[ESPN Wants You To Write Their Eulogy]]> http://deadspin.com/381867/espn-wants-you-to-write-their-eulogy#c5284215 Twenty years of great service
And the history you made
But thanks to Shapiro and Norby
We now piss on your grave

What Would Kornheiser Do? Presented by Larsen's Biscuits

]]> 11:381867:c5284215 Sun, 20 Apr 2008 15:09:38 EDT <![CDATA[ESPN Wants You To Write Their Eulogy]]> http://deadspin.com/381867/espn-wants-you-to-write-their-eulogy#c5284211 ESPN
Down in flames
Gave Stephen A. and Skip
Their own segment again

Knicks Legal Counsel

]]> 11:381867:c5284211 Sun, 20 Apr 2008 15:09:09 EDT <![CDATA[ESPN Wants You To Write Their Eulogy]]> http://deadspin.com/381867/espn-wants-you-to-write-their-eulogy#c5284205 I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by Norby, starving hysterical naked, dragging themselves through the Bristol streets at dawn looking for an angry fix.

Slothrop

]]> 11:381867:c5284205 Sun, 20 Apr 2008 15:08:16 EDT <![CDATA[ESPN Wants You To Write Their Eulogy]]> http://deadspin.com/381867/espn-wants-you-to-write-their-eulogy#c5284198 SIC SEMPER TYRANNIS!!!

CardinalRedOctober

]]> 11:381867:c5284198 Sun, 20 Apr 2008 15:07:17 EDT <![CDATA[ESPN Wants You To Write Their Eulogy]]> http://deadspin.com/381867/espn-wants-you-to-write-their-eulogy#c5284195 Remember when there was only one set of footprints? That's when Charlie Steiner was carrying me.

Nacho Friendly

]]> 11:381867:c5284195 Sun, 20 Apr 2008 15:06:54 EDT <![CDATA[ESPN Wants You To Write Their Eulogy]]> http://deadspin.com/381867/espn-wants-you-to-write-their-eulogy#c5284175 @CardinalRedOctober: I hate you. Now I'll be DLing TMBG songs all afternoon.

I Party With 33765-183

]]> 11:381867:c5284175 Sun, 20 Apr 2008 15:03:50 EDT <![CDATA[ESPN Wants You To Write Their Eulogy]]> http://deadspin.com/381867/espn-wants-you-to-write-their-eulogy#c5284167 There once were some men from Connecticut...

Fawn Liebowitz

]]> 11:381867:c5284167 Sun, 20 Apr 2008 15:02:19 EDT <![CDATA[ESPN Wants You To Write Their Eulogy]]> http://deadspin.com/381867/espn-wants-you-to-write-their-eulogy#c5284162 Joe Morgan(now homeless):
[tookourjobs.ytmnd.com]

bizzo5000

]]> 11:381867:c5284162 Sun, 20 Apr 2008 15:01:53 EDT <![CDATA[ESPN Wants You To Write Their Eulogy]]> http://deadspin.com/381867/espn-wants-you-to-write-their-eulogy#c5284161 "You're dead to me. More dead than your dead mother."

being_sven

]]> 11:381867:c5284161 Sun, 20 Apr 2008 15:01:47 EDT <![CDATA[ESPN Wants You To Write Their Eulogy]]> http://deadspin.com/381867/espn-wants-you-to-write-their-eulogy#c5284151 Eli got married??

He's still gay though...

12-Inch Idongivafuck Sandwich

]]> 11:381867:c5284151 Sun, 20 Apr 2008 15:00:13 EDT <![CDATA[ESPN Wants You To Write Their Eulogy]]> http://deadspin.com/381867/espn-wants-you-to-write-their-eulogy#c5284141 Here I sit so broken hearted,
Your network went to shit,
The day Around the Horn started.

twoeightnine

]]> 11:381867:c5284141 Sun, 20 Apr 2008 14:59:13 EDT <![CDATA[ESPN Wants You To Write Their Eulogy]]> http://deadspin.com/381867/espn-wants-you-to-write-their-eulogy#c5284137 Did a large procession wave their torches
As my head fell in the basket
And was everybody dancing on the casket
Now it's over I'm dead
And I haven't done anything that I want
Or I'm still alive
And there's nothing I want to do

CardinalRedOctober

]]> 11:381867:c5284137 Sun, 20 Apr 2008 14:58:29 EDT <![CDATA[ESPN Wants You To Write Their Eulogy]]> http://deadspin.com/381867/espn-wants-you-to-write-their-eulogy#c5284136 Christopher Hitchens does a great eulogy.


+ Watch video


How do you spell retard?

]]> 11:381867:c5284136 Sun, 20 Apr 2008 14:58:28 EDT <![CDATA[ESPN Wants You To Write Their Eulogy]]> http://deadspin.com/381867/espn-wants-you-to-write-their-eulogy#c5284131 Didn't ESPN die a while back?

I Party With 33765-183

]]> 11:381867:c5284131 Sun, 20 Apr 2008 14:58:13 EDT <![CDATA[ESPN Wants You To Write Their Eulogy]]> http://deadspin.com/381867/espn-wants-you-to-write-their-eulogy#c5284127 A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants....

What Would Kornheiser Do? Presented by Larsen's Biscuits

]]> 11:381867:c5284127 Sun, 20 Apr 2008 14:57:33 EDT <![CDATA[ESPN Wants You To Write Their Eulogy]]> http://deadspin.com/381867/espn-wants-you-to-write-their-eulogy#c5284109 I love my dead, gay son.

Chad Sexington

]]> 11:381867:c5284109 Sun, 20 Apr 2008 14:55:13 EDT <![CDATA[ESPN Wants You To Write Their Eulogy]]> http://deadspin.com/381867/espn-wants-you-to-write-their-eulogy#c5284096 The fuck's an 'ESPN'?

hector villanueva's posse

]]> 11:381867:c5284096 Sun, 20 Apr 2008 14:52:02 EDT <![CDATA[ESPN Wants You To Write Their Eulogy]]> http://deadspin.com/381867/espn-wants-you-to-write-their-eulogy#c5284090 Nice tag, by the way.

Innings Eater

]]> 11:381867:c5284090 Sun, 20 Apr 2008 14:51:00 EDT <![CDATA[ESPN Wants You To Write Their Eulogy]]> http://deadspin.com/381867/espn-wants-you-to-write-their-eulogy#c5284049 I put my money on autoerotic asphyxiation.

Innings Eater

]]> 11:381867:c5284049 Sun, 20 Apr 2008 14:45:14 EDT