Corey Lynch Offers Divine Intervention To The Bengals - Deadspin Comments

Corey Lynch Offers Divine Intervention To The Bengals

AppFan — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 07:01:23 EDT

At his Pro Day, he ran a 3.99 in the short shuttle, which was faster than every corner in the draft

The Mountaineers' safety gained national attention by blocking a kick that sealed ASU's upset win over Michigan in the season opener, going on to record 111 tackles (71 solo) in 15 games. He made three stops behind the line of scrimmage, caused two fumbles and recovered another. He again led the team and Southern Conference with six interceptions and also batted away eleven throws. He blocked three kicks, returning a blocked punt 33 yards.

So yeah, he can play.

AppFan

Corey Lynch Offers Divine Intervention To The Bengals

D.B. Cooper-Nichol — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 23:44:15 EDT

Hi-diddily-ho Carsorino!

Kitna was bad enough. This joker thinks he's not only saintly, but good at football too.

D.B. Cooper-Nichol

Corey Lynch Offers Divine Intervention To The Bengals

EditorOfTheDailyFaberian — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 21:10:07 EDT

@Secret Identity: Actualy, Dwight Howard's lawyer pays someone to handle that.

EditorOfTheDailyFaberian

Corey Lynch Offers Divine Intervention To The Bengals

icanthelpitimfromboston — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 20:58:06 EDT

Best case scenario:
Corey Lynch walks into the locker room with a bible in one hand and a cross in the other, claiming that the team is going to get "Lynched" (because hillbilly evangelists like including their names in shit so people remember it, because they think they're sermons are prophetic) and then Odell Thurman is going to kill him using only his left thumb.

icanthelpitimfromboston

Corey Lynch Offers Divine Intervention To The Bengals

Laser Guided — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 19:37:06 EDT

him showing up at training camp will be kinda like when they put that cow in the raptor pen in Jurassic Park.

Laser Guided

Corey Lynch Offers Divine Intervention To The Bengals

Tiger_Tanaka — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 19:03:31 EDT

They sure dole out the bling at App State. One's for beating Michigan, the other is for not sleeping with your cousin.

Tiger_Tanaka

Corey Lynch Offers Divine Intervention To The Bengals

suntastic — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 18:42:59 EDT

@A Pimp Named DaveR: +1 for the sound effects.

suntastic

Corey Lynch Offers Divine Intervention To The Bengals

grungedave — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 18:07:06 EDT

Not even Job was tested by God this much.

grungedave

Corey Lynch Offers Divine Intervention To The Bengals

Adonis — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 17:51:37 EDT

Bengals v. God?

... I suppose I've got to take God, but if Vegas starts the line too high, I think I'm wagering on Cincinatti.

Adonis

Corey Lynch Offers Divine Intervention To The Bengals

dont-forget-where-you-came-from-cheese mac — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 17:37:04 EDT

@ArkansasFred:

he also looks like Peter Deluise circa 21 Jumpstreet.

dont-forget-where-you-came-from-cheese mac

Corey Lynch Offers Divine Intervention To The Bengals

UkraineNotWeak — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 17:35:16 EDT

Things will definitely change when he discovers that Paulie Shore is his RA.

UkraineNotWeak

Corey Lynch Offers Divine Intervention To The Bengals

MeanMachine — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 17:30:43 EDT

Beer is MY co-pilot.

MeanMachine

Corey Lynch Offers Divine Intervention To The Bengals

Weed Against Speed — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 17:29:15 EDT

How is he going to make it church on Sundays now?

Weed Against Speed

Corey Lynch Offers Divine Intervention To The Bengals

And_You_Shall_Know_Me_By_The_Trail_of_Cheez-Its — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 17:27:06 EDT

I feel like this ends somehow with Odell Thurman braining him with a bowling pin.

And_You_Shall_Know_Me_By_The_Trail_of_Cheez-Its

Corey Lynch Offers Divine Intervention To The Bengals

Yostal — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 17:26:55 EDT

...

[/precluded about making any jokes about Appalachian State players until September 1, 2008.]

Yostal

Corey Lynch Offers Divine Intervention To The Bengals

ArkansasFred — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 17:26:35 EDT

He also looks like Tedy Bruschi, which is more annoying than his in-your-face sanctimony.

ArkansasFred

Corey Lynch Offers Divine Intervention To The Bengals

David Hume — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 17:26:00 EDT

He does know he's a 6th round draft pick from a 1AA school, right?

David Hume

Corey Lynch Offers Divine Intervention To The Bengals

Max Power — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 17:24:38 EDT

But can he, yknow, play football?

Max Power

Corey Lynch Offers Divine Intervention To The Bengals

Sucko-T — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 17:24:37 EDT

He still won't get to play with a Johnson.

/dick joke

Sucko-T

Corey Lynch Offers Divine Intervention To The Bengals

DennyCrane — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 17:21:59 EDT

I think the whole team should just worship Jobu.

DennyCrane

Corey Lynch Offers Divine Intervention To The Bengals

Weed Against Speed — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 17:21:28 EDT

After the Bengals get through with him, this guy is going to make Corey Haim and Corey Feldman look like Boy Scouts.

Weed Against Speed

Corey Lynch Offers Divine Intervention To The Bengals

Glass_Family — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 17:20:14 EDT

Corey Lynch can walk on the Ohio River.

Well, ok, anyone can, due to the amount of raw sewage.

Glass_Family

Corey Lynch Offers Divine Intervention To The Bengals

dont-forget-where-you-came-from-cheese mac — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 17:20:14 EDT

Dude, pigskin. That's a big no-no.

dont-forget-where-you-came-from-cheese mac

Corey Lynch Offers Divine Intervention To The Bengals

HazelMaesLandingStrip — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 17:20:13 EDT

A trip to a strip club with a trash bag full of money will change all of this.

HazelMaesLandingStrip

Corey Lynch Offers Divine Intervention To The Bengals

Paul Zuvella — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 17:19:32 EDT

He'll get knocked out in the first practice after he drinks Jobu's rum

Paul Zuvella

Corey Lynch Offers Divine Intervention To The Bengals

MattinglysSideburns — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 17:18:46 EDT

More like the Sinsinnati Bengals! Am I right people???

MattinglysSideburns

Corey Lynch Offers Divine Intervention To The Bengals

Shakεy fka Flαmεtown — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 17:18:43 EDT

Have fun being sodomized in the shower, big guy.

Shakεy fka Flαmεtown

Corey Lynch Offers Divine Intervention To The Bengals

A Pimp Named DaveR — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 17:17:18 EDT

Fast-forward:
(doodly doodly doodly)

October 2008: Corey Lynch arrested for statutory rape after going anal on a 15-year-old girl during a meth binge....

A Pimp Named DaveR

Corey Lynch Offers Divine Intervention To The Bengals

The Fake Gimel Martinez — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 17:17:06 EDT

Odds that Chad Johnson ends his trade demands, celebrates TDs with a simple kneel prayer, and gets a new set of grillz that have "CHAD LUVZ JESUS" inscribed with diamonds: 15 to 1

Odds that Corey Lynch is listed on the IR due to a snake-handling accident at church: 14 to 1

The Fake Gimel Martinez