<![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young - Deadspin Comments]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young - Deadspin Comments]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> Karl Malone and Roger Clemens are the Crockett and Tubbs of pedophillia

ceedat

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> In his defense, every other time Karl touched someone, the ref called a foul on them.

IchiroSuzukiSamurai

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> "Leave him alone before I get pissed off"

R Kelly

Tru-Hero

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> @The Fan's Attic: He's 24. Just getting out of college. NORTHWESTERN FUCKING STATE, mind you.

Karl, you know that's your baby.

SpiroAgnewsGhost

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> @cromartie: My first semester of law school, in Criminal Law, we did a whole long section about how "Officer, I swear I thought she was 18" is not a valid defense.

/ Just one of the many disappointments from law school.

EditorOfTheDailyFaberian

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> @Stev D: That defense won't hold up in court.

Not that I'd know, or anything...

cromartie

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> Luis Polonia and Mark Chmura mentally high five The Mailman.

FredGarvin

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> I'm just surprised he was able to finish it off at the end.

Abe Froman

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> @Silky John-STON!:

Danny Almonte and Miguel Tejada disagree.

FredGarvin

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> Don't you have to be at least 18 to accept a package from the mailman?

Ryfael

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> @Stev D:

Thanks, now you've ruined a lot of lonely nights for all of us with your admittedly spot-on reference.

(/also an English major)

Cake or Death

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> wow, having a daughter makes it impossible to joke about this.

/sorry friday party pooper

Laser Guided

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> His mother, Gloria Bell, reportedly was only 13 years old and Malone a college sophomore at Louisiana Tech when Demetrius was born.

Reportedly? One would think that's pretty easy to verify.

Silky John-STON!

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> "They weren't even related!?!?!? Pfffft."

-Jerry Lee Lewis

G.G.

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> This makes me wish I could go back and time and cheer for Dennis Rodman in that WCW match.

MyronCopacetic

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> @drftjgoj: ha. +1

The Fan’s Attic

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> I don't see what the big deal is... Half his age plus seven is way past 13.

drftjgoj

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> Gloria, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. Glo-ree-ah: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth. Glo. Ree. Ah.

Colin White Devil

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> @She Blinded Me With Violence: +1. Newman approves.

quick

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> chic must be dominican

RachelRayIsTheDevil

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> hey, tomorrow is Demetrius Bell's birthday.

[www.sportsline.com]

Dude's already 24.

The Fan’s Attic

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> this is just like that time in 6th grade when I dated cheryl miller.

SideAngleSide

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> @ghostsoftheSCupcountry: purple drank

blastitbiggs

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> So, Will....did you post this because it makes Karl Malone look human?

Billy Clyde Puckett

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> In his defense, there isnt alot to do in Ruston, La.

Bunkie Perkins

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> @Doyle McPoyle: Friend: So, like, what did it look like?

Gloria: It was smaller than I expected.

SA

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> @muggsybogues: and Republican. Even better.

Johnny LaRue

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> @IsoldmysoultoMilhouseVanhouten: Crawling = already in the right position.

/ showing self out

EditorOfTheDailyFaberian

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> pedophilia never gets old.....get it!?

err, not really.

SideAngleSide

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> So it's only a matter of time before he gains 100 pounds and gropes a woman in a restroom. We all have this playbook.

Chad Sexington

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> Well, I guess we can give the Illegitimate Children Award to Karl just this one year. I mean, everyone knows the Reign Man deserves it again, but it's just getting so boring to give it to him every year.

Bring Me The Head of Karim Garcia

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> But, he's religious, so it's OK, right?

muggsybogues

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> @sir_pantsalot: yeah, but at least they know how to spell the name of their state, you elitist snob!

L-e-w-z-y-a-n-n-a--there.

Johnny LaRue

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> Ruh-roh, looks like the statute of limitations has not expired on this one, if I read correctly. Anyone here a lawyer? No? Well, someone get Rusty Hardin on the phone!

[www.rainn.org]

amorphous

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> @UpstateUnderdog:

When he's in a slump, Karl falls back on the less popular, "Old enough to pee, old enough for me."

IsoldmysoultoMilhouseVanhouten

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> In Malone's defense, the chick looked at least 15, which is okay by Louisiana standards.

FredGarvin

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> @shea_guevara: Isn't statutory rape serious enough to warrant a prosecution regardless?

I take it you have never been to backwoods Louisiana.

EditorOfTheDailyFaberian

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> Neither rain, nor snow, nor statutory rape laws will stop the Mailman from making his rounds.

FirstDerivative

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> To be fair to Karl, the film Angel Heart did come out around that time. So, he might have thought it was all right.

UkraineNotWeak

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> Dirty talk in Karl Malone voice = nightmare fuel.

Hernandez-is-the-Mandez

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> @Catenaccio: Incorrect. The legal drinking age in New Orleans is "old enough to reach up to the bar and put money on it."

Dr. Michael Mancini

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> I learned how to french kiss and daddy says I am the best.

Oh ya Gary Glitter is not impressed.

jwaves2007

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> @Arriaga_II: no, but he did make her cry twice.

/malone shoots bloody teddy bear into trashcan with mini-basketball hoop attached

acer

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> @Catenaccio: It is a moot point since most people in Louisianna cant count past 6 or 7.

sir_pantsalot

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> Guys, it was a different century. Women were treated different back then.

Stev D

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> @EditorOfTheDailyFaberian:
Why are you repeating yourself?

/Fukudome'd

dont-forget-where-you-came-from-cheese mac

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> @Phony Gwynn: Wanna shivver? Many girls are 12 before they leave elementary school.

Robert Barone’s Dog

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> Stunningly the age of consent in Louisiana is 17. Seems kinda old for down there, especially when you consider the legal drinking age is 8.

Catenaccio

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> The two have had very little contact during Bell's life.

Yeah, I'd imagine their conversations would be pretty awkward. "So, um, you still into New Kids on the Block?"

shea_guevara

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> @ChitownChick: Maybe if you put your hair up in pig tails you can entice him.

sir_pantsalot

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> although, knocking up 13-year-olds isn't all that uncommon in Louisiana. I'm surprised it's illegal there.

Yellow Tail Swine

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> @dont-forget-where-you-came-from-cheese mac: Well, that had a chance of being mildly entertaining had you not completely butchered it.

like to thank his hands for keeping him out of similar situations...

dont-forget-where-you-came-from-cheese mac

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> Dis Here a pervert.
/Man Show'ed

VTBen

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> Elijah Dukes is not impressed.

Hernandez-is-the-Mandez

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> Man, when I was 13, my main concern was stealing my dad's beer.

This bitch was getting knocked up by Karl Malone. Crazy.

Yellow Tail Swine

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> @Stev D: Bridge to Tearahymenia?

David Hume

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> @EditorOfTheDailyFaberian: yeah, he took it to the next level

UpstateUnderdog

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> Chris Hansen is currently quietly sobbing.

DennyCrane

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> @UkraineNotWeak: Only if someone prints it out for him.

Also, the family would have had to ask the DA to file charges? Isn't statutory rape serious enough to warrant a prosecution regardless?

shea_guevara

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> @amorphous: Well, he Clemens'd her, so...

Juancho

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> @UkraineNotWeak: I imagine somewhere Buzz Bissinger is printing out this comment thread to store in a manilla folder and is about to have an aneurysm.

/fixed

Pittsburgh Sports and Mini Ponies

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> @Doyle McPoyle: Nowadays, that would have been a "very special" episode of "Kids Incorporated".

Jefferson Short Bus

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> Just when I think Clemens, then Buzz wrapped up the SHOTY, the Mailman comes in and drives straight to the bottom of the heap.

Slothrop

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> Blegh. I have to take a shower after reading that. Of course, I'm 28, so Malone would not want to join me.

ChitownChick

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> @UpstateUnderdog: The real shame is he put "old enough to bleed, old enough to breed into practice."

EditorOfTheDailyFaberian

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> Mark Eaton only had oral sex with a 13-year-old, which technically doesn't count as intercourse.

Phony Gwynn

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> She had it coming to her. The way she rocked those Keds...mmmm mmmmm!

The Gizmo from Pismo

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> She kept saying "I kid, I kid" but he thought she was apologizing for laughing at his schwantz.

David Hume

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> Also, she was 13 when the kid was born, meaning it's fully plausible that Karl Malone knocked up a 12 year-old. That must have been a fun story to tell in the Middle School cafeteria.

Doyle McPoyle

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> @UkraineNotWeak: What are these "comments" of which you speak? I see nothing but a bunch of posts on here.

She Blinded Me With Violence

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> Fred-Ex would like to thanks his hand(s) from keeping out of similar situations.

dont-forget-where-you-came-from-cheese mac

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> The two have had very little contact during Bell's life. His mother, Gloria Bell, reportedly was only 13 years old and Malone a college sophomore at Louisiana Tech when Demetrius was born. Malone might have served jail time had her family asked the district attorney to file criminal charges.

The Aristocrats!

Arriaga_II

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> Roger Clemens doesn't see what all the fuss is about.

Natzzzzzz

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> I can only guess that Malone thought 13 year olds would be more resiliant to his flying elbows.

Jews For Purple Jesus

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> Perhaps Malone has an attraction to younger women because his childhood girlfriend died before he had a chance to experiment with her erotically. Therefore he finds himself drawn to younger girls as a way to reconnect with his unfulfilled adolescent sexual imagination.

/English major!

Stev D

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> I imagine somewhere Buzz Bissinger is reading this comment thread and is about to have an aneurysm.

UkraineNotWeak

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> O AN SHE HIT PUBERT-AY!

The Gizmo from Pismo

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> Soon Deadspin's going to be able to put together a "Statutory Rape All-Star" team. Only future HOF's need apply.

ABrown

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> I'm just surprised the Buffalo News turned their attention away from bashing Sabres management for 10 minutes.

Bucky couldn't do the math, 20-13 is much harder than 25/5.

twoeightnine

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> Karl Malone is a big believer in the old saying, "old enough to bleed, old enough for me"

UpstateUnderdog

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> This makes all those pre-game introductions to "Rock N Roll Part 2" way more creepy.

Doyle McPoyle

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> @UkraineNotWeak: Or holidays

Robert Barone’s Dog

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> @WoodBatsSteelBalls: He will be happy to lick your stamp too, provided you wipe in the proper direction.

/kimmel'd

BarrySagittarius

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> @She Blinded Me With Violence:

Well then he didn't impregnate her on a Sunday because everyone knows the Mailman don't come on Sunday.

UkraineNotWeak

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> @Hustler of Culture: I think I was just horrified by the concept, not your comment.

J-No

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> R. Kelly is pissed off that this news became public.

El Gran Guapo

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> So then she says, "Karl, we can't see each other anymore, I just found out you're a pedophile."

So I say, "Pedophile? That's a pretty big word for a 13 yr old!"

Arriaga_II

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> Was this a case of "Take Your Favorite NBA Player to School" going a little to far?

UkraineNotWeak

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> @J-No: Come on, you took that seriously enough to respond.

Its just gross beyond words....

Hustler of Culture

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> @Robert Barone's Dog: A paper cup of grape kool-aid.

ghostsoftheSCupcountry

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> Way to go, Karl!!

--RPolanski

The Fan’s Attic

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> He could pick up a lot younger chicks if he painted over his shirt to just say "Yo." That is always hilarious.

asliceofbacon

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> Your move Clemons

CubsDynasty

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> Serously, did this girl not have older brothers? Because if some 20 year old was sniffing around MY 13 year old sister...he'd be dribbling more than a damn ball, if ya dig my meaning.

ghostsoftheSCupcountry

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> If MySpace had been around in the 80s, he might have had fifteen or sixteen. Offspring, that is.

Jefferson Short Bus

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> odds he says it was Jimmy Kimmel?

Sarge

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> All the Mailman requires in order to deliver, is that you lick his stamp before he puts it in your envelope.

WoodBatsSteelBalls

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> The first time the postal service ever delivered anything early. Am I right , fellas?

/tip your waitress, I'll show myself out.

Arriaga_II

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> @EDogII: I wonder if he showed up with a 6 pack of zimas or wine coolers?

A case of Capri Sun.

Robert Barone’s Dog

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> I'm just surprised the Buffalo News turned their attention away from bashing Sabres management for 10 minutes.

Afino

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> "Man, who hasn't hooked up with a 13 year old?"
"You mean when we were 13?"
"Uh...sure..."



Doyle McPoyle

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> @Hustler of Culture: Yes, it is. Not even close.

On a side note, for once it really is the Mailman's kid.

J-No

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> @amorphous: Well it IS the USPS we're talking about here.

Wait, no it isn't.

She Blinded Me With Violence

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> @Sarge: Thirteen?!? Man, that's low
/Clemens

Fixed


MoBot

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> I wonder if he showed up with a 6 pack of zimas or wine coolers?

EDogII

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> Could have been worse, Republicans are known for mentoring little boys.

twoeightnine

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> If there's shine on the court, tip-off!

That phrase doesn't work so hot for basketball players.

Or maybe it does for Karl Malone. Yuck.

roland_t_flakfizer

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> If there's grass on the hardwood then it's FAN-tastic.

BullfightsOnAcid

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> @She Blinded Me With Violence: Even if the package takes nine months to deliver.

amorphous

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> a drinking contest?

what am i 12 and in karl malone's dorm room?

ltwinslow

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> Sure enough, he got the 13-year-old's phone number from John Stockton.

Matt Sussman

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> In Utah, it is illegal to have sex with a 13-year-old. Unless you're married to 5 of them at the same time.

shea_guevara

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> Black, Mexican... twenty years from now, he'll be hunting little Asian girls.

Jefferson Short Bus

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> Neither rain, nor sleet, nor gloom of night, nor being of legal age shall keep the Mailman from delivering.

She Blinded Me With Violence

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> The Spears family doesn't see what the problem is.

stealofthedraft

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> Thirteen?!? Man, that's low
/DeShawn


Sarge

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> Karl apparently picked her up after seeing her at a recorder recital while out with some teammates

BooyahKrkic

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> "That's what I love about junior high girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age."

Secret Identity

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> Ok, so the kid's mom was 13, but he got great athletic genes out of it...shouldn't he just call it even?

Old Gregg

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> "Just show us on this doll where the basketball player impregnated you."

44 in a Row

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> LEAVE KARL M'ALONE!
/Chris-Crocker'd

amorphous

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> I gather Karl is not invited to many Bat Mitzvahs.

UkraineNotWeak

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> Mr. Malone, why don't you have a seat over there?

FredGarvin

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> Is this really worse then screwing Johb Daly's wife?

Hustler of Culture

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> I blame Utah for this.

Really, dude, a 13 year old, maybe 12?

ghostsoftheSCupcountry

]]> <![CDATA[Karl Malone Once Liked Them Very, VERY Young]]> Can you go to jail for this? I'm no genius- but if that happened and there wasn't a 20 year gap... i think they'd called that rape.

ABrown

]]>