• 12:00 — Sport: College Football - Texas Tech vs. Kansas [ESPN] - Not pictured: Texas, Oklahoma State and Oklahoma lining up to help expand the rear entry opened wide by Kansas.
• 12:00 — Sport: College Football - Illinois vs. Wisconsin [ESPN2] - The Beloit, WI/South Beloit, IL Border War heats up. Beloit College becomes a war college. South Beloit continues to be a war zone.
• 12:00 — Sport: College Football - Minnesota vs. Purdue [ESPN3 Classic] - Places where we made out with college girls for $200, Alex.
• 1:00 — Sport: Breeders' Cup [ABC] - Two and a half hours of fluffing; two and a half minutes of turf pounding. Continued at 3:30 pm on ESPN and off-track betting stations in well-connected states of this and other Unions.
• 1:30 — Movie: Cannonball! [Showtime Beyond] - Bruce Lee would have driven with more intensity, creativity, and used actual facial movements.
• 2:00 — Nonsense: "The JB Awards" [CBS] - We're pretty sure reruns of questionable award shows are against FCC guidelines.
• 3:30 — Sport: College Football - Georgia vs. LSU [CBS] - #9 vs. #11 in the Unfortunate Numerology Bowl.
• 3:30 — Sport: College Football - UCLA vs. Cal [ABC] - Prop 8 would declare this matchup illegal. Won't you think of the children? Vote "WTF" on Prop 8.