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Here Are The Top 10 Goals From The Champions League This Season

The order of this list—which you’ll have to click through to view on Youtube because UEFA is a dick—is more than a little questionable (Messi turning Boateng into a 6’ 4” domino isn’t number one?), and how Andrés Iniesta’s length-of-the-pitch jaunt didn’t even make the list almost invalidates the whole thing. These… » 6/09/15 6:48pm 6/09/15 6:48pm

Barcelona's Perfect Season May Have Been Their Hardest

As we said after Barcelona took the (severely hobbled, it must be said) champions of Germany and ground them up into a fine powder to be mixed in with the mate the club’s South American contingent is always going on about, this team deserved to end the season surrounded by every trophy available. The football gods… » 6/08/15 3:46pm 6/08/15 3:46pm

Barcelona Carve Up Juventus, Score First Goal Of Champions League Final

All that talk about Barcelona’s terrifying front three and it’s actually midfielders Andrés Iniesta and Ivan Rakitić who combine to score the opening goal of this Champions League final just four minutes in. (Though to be fair, Messi and Neymar made the two key passes to open everything up.)
» 6/06/15 3:02pm 6/06/15 3:02pm

Cristiano Ronaldo And His Teammates Were Really, Really Sad About Losing

We all know how great Cristiano Ronaldo and his Real Madrid teammates are. But acknowledging that doesn’t preclude us from cackling maniacally when they lose, and especially at the distraught looks on their faces when it happens, like today against Juventus. So here are a bunch of pictures of just that! » 5/13/15 6:41pm 5/13/15 6:41pm

Barcelona Are Europe's Best Team; Now They Just Have To Make It Official

If the European Cup is worth its weight in silver and prestige, Barcelona should win it this year. That is to say, if the major competitions in this sport are designed to throw the best clubs in Europe into the most demanding possible gauntlet and, in the end, reward the one that’s proved its superiority, then a year… » 5/07/15 4:11pm 5/07/15 4:11pm

Lionel Messi Murders Bayern Munich

In what has been one of the greatest, most competitive games you’ll ever see, Lionel Messi reminded the world why he’s the greatest player to ever play the game. Barcelona came out dominating but couldn’t finish any of their numerous chances in a wide open first half, thanks mainly to a Herculean performance by Manuel… » 5/06/15 4:38pm 5/06/15 4:38pm

Bayern Munich's 6 Goals Against Porto Today, Ranked

Bayern Munich had their backs against the wall. Down 3-1 to Porto after the first leg and short most of their best players due to injury, rather than folding under the pressure, Bayern kicked the shit out of their opponents 6-1, including a 5-0 lead at halftime. Here are all six goals, ranked by a top-secret… » 4/21/15 6:19pm 4/21/15 6:19pm

Oh My God, This Iniesta Run And Assist To Neymar Is A Thing Of Beauty

Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ. Andrés Iniesta just ran practically the length of the pitch, slaloming past defender after defender before sliding in Neymar for the opener in today’s Barcelona-PSG Champions League return leg. Iniesta has been pretty good this year, but who knew he could still do THAT? » 4/21/15 3:12pm 4/21/15 3:12pm

Holy Mother Carlos Tevez Just Bombed Germany With This Rocket Golazo

Juventus and Borussia Dortmund are playing today, right now. A few minutes ago, they kicked off. Then two minutes passed. Then Juventus's Carlos Tevez got the ball. Then he blew up Germany's hopes, and also Germany. No more high-quality vehicles for anyone. Because there's no more Germany. Germany's gone. » 3/18/15 4:04pm 3/18/15 4:04pm

José Mourinho Gets Philosophical In Rant Directed At Haters In The Media

“The world is a bit strange. Maybe because of diets, and maybe because of the quality of produce we are eating, I think memories are getting shorter,” José Mourinho begins his wild, metaphysical ride that somehow ends with him basically calling certain members of the media jealous cowards.
» 3/13/15 11:04am 3/13/15 11:04am

PSG Overcome Controversial Red Card, Boot Chelsea From Champions League

Schalke's nearly-heroic comeback yesterday put everyone on upset alert, and on cue, Paris Saint-Germain went and made good on its own upset bid with today's 2-2 draw against Chelsea, knocking the English club out of the Champions league. Despite a questionable red card on Zlatan Ibrahimović early on, PSG fought back… » 3/11/15 7:23pm 3/11/15 7:23pm