Typical José: Chelsea's Champions League Win Was Right On Schedule

José Mourinho's teams are some goddamn cockroaches, man. Just when you think you've got them squashed, their viscous innards seeping from their corrugated underbelly—as PSG could've justifiably believed, leading Chelsea 3-1 after the first leg of their Champions League tie—they somehow keep right on crawling and end up… » 4/09/14 2:03pm 4/09/14 2:03pm

Ref Sends Off Wrong Man In Chelsea-Arsenal Match

Arsenal's Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain appeared to use his hand to deflect a shot that was, at the very least, near the goal today in Stamford Bridge. Eden Hazard one-timed a feed from Fernando Torres to the far side of the goal and Oxlade-Chamberlain must have just brain-farted because he dove and tried to stop it with… » 3/22/14 10:01am 3/22/14 10:01am

Juan Mata Is Signed. What Will Manchester United Do With Him?

We knew something had to give at Manchester United, what with the team's huge mounds of money begging to fill the huge holes in the squad, but it's still a bit of a surprise that the deal in hand is for Chelsea's Juan Mata, bought for a reported £37M. A bona fide world-class number 10 is a nice addition for a struggling … » 1/28/14 11:13am 1/28/14 11:13am

Loic Remy's Late Goal Seals Newcastle Upset Over Chelsea

It seems like we've been here before, with a member of the Premier League's royalty losing unexpectedly to a team with nowhere near comparable talent. But that's the 2013 season for you, where Arsenal and Liverpool face off in a top-of-the-table clash while fighting off the likes of Tottenham, Southampton, and… » 11/02/13 12:20pm 11/02/13 12:20pm

No One Has Any Idea What Is Going On In The Premier League

European leagues were on hiatus during the international break for World Cup qualifiers, and so today was the first chance we all got to see the new Premier League since the close of the record-breaking transfer window that saw an ungodly amount of money and men move in, out, and around England. It was our first… » 9/14/13 5:02pm 9/14/13 5:02pm

Willian's Shock Transfer To Chelsea Is More Than A Cock-Waving Contest

London club Chelsea unveiled Brazilian star Willian from Russian club Anzhi Makhachkala for around £30 million. We're sad to see this particular transfer saga come to an end, because for a couple of weeks, this was the best story going. » 8/28/13 1:04pm 8/28/13 1:04pm

Your Team Is Probably Going To Fail: The 2013-14 Premier League

Fuck yeah, man. The Premier League's back tomorrow. This is super duper great, because although various leagues like the German Bundesliga and France's Ligue 1 have already kicked off, ain't nothing like the Premier League. While other leagues annually boast only two or three top sides and naught but chum below, there… » 8/16/13 4:20pm 8/16/13 4:20pm

Chelsea, Arsenal Reach The Champions League As Spurs Suffer Heartbreak

The last day in the Premier League wasn't for the faint of heart. With 36 goals scored, today was the highest-scoring final match day ever. But while just about every other English side scored goal after goal, Chelsea, Arsenal and Tottenham were each entangled in nail-biters to see how their places in the top four, and … » 5/19/13 4:24pm 5/19/13 4:24pm

What's At Stake On The Final Day Of The Premier League Season

Tomorrow's the last day of the Premier League season. And while there's no drama to be had at the very top or bottom of the table—Manchester United has already lifted the trophy, and Wigan, Reading, and Queens Park Rangers are getting relegated to the Championship—there's still plenty that needs shaking out when it… » 5/18/13 12:09pm 5/18/13 12:09pm