Chelsea And Spain Are Locked In A Dumb War Neither Can Win

Even by the standards of dick-measuring contests, the one ongoing between Chelsea and the Spanish national team has been awful for months. At some point, though, this sort of thing stops being merely dumb and threatens to become actually harmful to the players each side should be trying to protect—and we're nearing… » 11/13/14 5:30pm 11/13/14 5:30pm

José Mourinho Doesn't Intend To Stop Being An Asshole Any Time Soon

José Mourinho is feeling himself right now. He has the best team in England, maybe the best in the world, and they're firing on all cylinders. So his typically dismissive response to a recent controversy involving other coaches' not taking too well to his celebratory handshake routine isn't surprising in the least. » 10/18/14 10:00am 10/18/14 10:00am

Alexis Knocks Chelsea Keeper Out Cold; Keeper Stays In Game


Early in today's match between Arsenal and Chelsea at Stamford Bridge, Arsenal midfielder Alexis Sánchez turned to run down a hopeful ball over the top, nearly got on the end of it, and ended his run by plowing his hip through Chelsea goalkeeper Thibaut Courtois's head. Courtois appeared to be knocked out cold. He… » 10/05/14 10:08am 10/05/14 10:08am

Frank Lampard Scored A Fittingly Huge Goal Against Old Team Chelsea

The pillars of the old crew were all there. John Terry still in the captain's armband. A ponytailed Didier Drogba in his famous number 11. The boss José Mourinho, looking upon his charges sternly from the sideline, no doubt fighting back an inner smile. And Frank Lampard, a goal down, hungry to do what he did for so… » 9/21/14 2:05pm 9/21/14 2:05pm

Steven Gerrard Slips, Allows Demba Ba To Score Easy Goal

In stoppage time at the end of the first half of Chelsea-Liverpool, Steven Gerrard slipped on a nothing play and allowed Demba Ba to coast right in on goal, with only the keeper to beat. Ba scored and Chelsea have a 1-0 lead in a game that could decide the Premier League title. Naturally, we added "Yakety Sax" as a… » 4/27/14 10:32am 4/27/14 10:32am

Typical José: Chelsea's Champions League Win Was Right On Schedule

José Mourinho's teams are some goddamn cockroaches, man. Just when you think you've got them squashed, their viscous innards seeping from their corrugated underbelly—as PSG could've justifiably believed, leading Chelsea 3-1 after the first leg of their Champions League tie—they somehow keep right on crawling and end… » 4/09/14 2:03pm 4/09/14 2:03pm

Ref Sends Off Wrong Man In Chelsea-Arsenal Match

Arsenal's Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain appeared to use his hand to deflect a shot that was, at the very least, near the goal today in Stamford Bridge. Eden Hazard one-timed a feed from Fernando Torres to the far side of the goal and Oxlade-Chamberlain must have just brain-farted because he dove and tried to stop it with… » 3/22/14 10:01am 3/22/14 10:01am

Juan Mata Is Signed. What Will Manchester United Do With Him?

We knew something had to give at Manchester United, what with the team's huge mounds of money begging to fill the huge holes in the squad, but it's still a bit of a surprise that the deal in hand is for Chelsea's Juan Mata, bought for a reported £37M. A bona fide world-class number 10 is a nice addition for a… » 1/28/14 11:13am 1/28/14 11:13am