Marco Reus Fined $670,000 For Driving Without A License

German paper Bild reports (paywall) that Borussia Dortmund star Marco Reus has been fined €540,000 after police discovered he had been driving without a license for the past three years. Apparently Reus received five speeding tickets during that time, but somehow police never figured out that he also didn't have a… » 12/17/14 9:59pm Yesterday 9:59pm

Tim Howard Retracts Book Claim That Brad Friedel Tried To Sabotage Him

Tim Howard has announced that he will alter future editions of his just-published book, in response to Brad Friedel's complaint that the book unfairly and inaccurately claims that Friedel attempted to block Howard's move to the Premier League. This decade-old goalkeeper feud still burns brightly, apparently. » 12/17/14 8:54am Yesterday 8:54am

Soccer Player Struck By Lightning, Thought Dead, Says He Survived

Joao Contreras Fuentes is either one lucky son of a bitch or tops on God's shit list, take your pick. He was playing soccer for the club Sport Aguila in the Copa Peru when a bolt of lighting leaped from Zeus' fingertip and basically erased Fuentes in the fashion of blowing out a candle. The bolt ignited and vanished… » 12/11/14 10:25pm 12/11/14 10:25pm

Violence Erupts At Jalisco Stadium After Monterrey Knocks Off Atlas

Atlas and Monterrey supporters clashed with each other and police following tonight's 2-0 Monterrey win that moved Los Rayados into the Liga MX playoff semifinals. Univision Deportes reported multiple police suffered injuries, while others formed a protective shield around Monterrey supporters to protect them from… » 11/30/14 9:52pm 11/30/14 9:52pm

Argentine Soccer Broadcaster Is A Rollercoaster Of Emotions

Make sure you have turned YouTube's closed captioning on, and then watch this glorious video of an Argentine second division match from February. When Talleres de Córdoba scores in the 89th minute, the homer broadcaster sings a lyrical description straight out of Galeano (well, not quite). When Almirante Brown ties… » 11/29/14 4:52pm 11/29/14 4:52pm

Manchester City's Messiah Sergio Agüero Pulls Another Resurrection Act

Twenty minutes into Manchester City's crucial home Champions League match against Bayern Munich on Tuesday, it looked like everything had broken right for the English champions. Earlier in the day, in the other matchup in City's group, Roma somehow contrived to draw a game they really should've won, greatly expanding… » 11/26/14 1:27pm 11/26/14 1:27pm

Watch Messi Break The All-Time La Liga Scoring Record

Lionel Messi became the top scorer in La Liga history with this 72nd minute goal against Sevilla, his second of the game. It was Messi's 252nd league goal, which topped Athletic Bilbao legend Telmo Zarra's 251, who did most of his damage in the 1940s. A few minutes later Messi got his hat trick, so the new record… » 11/22/14 4:02pm 11/22/14 4:02pm

Zinedine Zidane No Longer Has To Pretend Not To Coach Team He Coaches

A couple months ago, we told you about how Zinedine Zidane, manager of Real Madrid Castilla, was under investigation for not having the proper coaching qualifications. The Frenchman had two ways to fight the impending punishment: either cadge up the qualifications or deny that he was actually the manager. Lo and… » 11/21/14 1:30pm 11/21/14 1:30pm

Xabi Alonso Forced To Apologize To Ronaldo For Stupid, Fake Controversy

Remember that dumb story Real Madrid pitched to their stooges at Marca yesterday, where some milquetoast statements of Xabi Alonso's were folded, kneaded, and ultimately transformed into direct insults to former teammates Cristiano Ronaldo and Iker Casillas? Well, it worked. » 11/21/14 11:45am 11/21/14 11:45am

Shitty Swiss Team Cuts 11 Players After Youth Team Blows Them Out 10-0

FC Grenchen, of Switzerland's fourth division, suck at soccer. In their last nine matches, they've collected all of zero points while shipping 66—yes, 66—goals, 10 of which came at the feet of FC Luzern's youth squad. Following that horrific result, Grenchen's sporting director decided to cut 11 players. » 11/20/14 6:30pm 11/20/14 6:30pm

Wigan Owner Doubles Down On New Manager's Racism And Antisemitism

Wigan Athletic courted controversy this week by hiring Malky Mackay, who is under investigation by the FA for assorted bigoted and offensive text messages that were sent more than a year ago but came to light over the summer. Wigan owner Dave Whelan spoke with the Guardian today, and offered a defense of, essentially, » 11/20/14 1:46pm 11/20/14 1:46pm