How The USWNT Finally Figured It Out

After toiling in mediocrity for the whole tournament, with players playing out of position, no organizational structure, and no defined individual roles, the USWNT finally came out last night looking like the World Cup favorites we all thought they’d be. Because of that, we’re left with one question: the hell took so… » 7/01/15 12:59pm Today 12:59pm

An Ode to Sydney Leroux's Eyelashes

Everywhere I go, people are talking trash about Sydney Leroux’s fake eyelashes. To be fair, I’ve been in Canada, where she’s particularly reviled. I get it, she turned her back on you, Canada. You’re hurt. But through the pain, I beg you, do not bring her eyelashes into this. Because let’s be real: those eyelashes are… » 6/30/15 4:47pm Yesterday 4:47pm

How The USWNT Can Beat Germany

So here we are, at the semifinals of the 2015 FIFA Women’s World Cup. There have been upsets, trash talk, and general FIFA-inflicted incompetence. After Germany escaped France last weekend, and the United States of America triumphed over China, this match between the world’s two top-ranked teams promises to be a… » 6/30/15 12:09pm Yesterday 12:09pm

FIFA Screwed France Out Of The Tournament, And It's Bullshit

Immediately following France’s loss to Germany in the Women’s World Cup quarterfinal, a rightfully frustrated Camille Abily lashed out at FIFA’s seeding protocols. As anyone who bothered to look ahead could see, those teams—probably the two best in the world—were always on a collision course at that early stage in the… » 6/29/15 2:05pm Monday 2:05pm

Paraguayan Soccer Player Wins Game On PK, Uncle Dies Of Heart Attack

Paraguay put down Brazil in the Copa America last night, winning on penalties after Derlis Gonzalez equalized on a penalty in the second half and converted the deciding goal in the shootout. Reportedly, in the excitement of watching the winning shot, his 44-year-old uncle died of a heart attack. » 6/28/15 12:22pm Sunday 12:22pm

French Player Slams FIFA: "They Have To Stop Taking Us For Idiots"

As undeniably awesome as last night’s France-Germany match was, it was complete and utter bullshit that these two teams were forced to meet in the quarterfinals. Far from being an unforeseen, unlucky occurrence, this is exactly as FIFA planned it. And France’s Camille Abily, for one, is none too happy about that. » 6/27/15 1:48pm Saturday 1:48pm

Sepp Blatter Out Here Like "Hold Up. Who Said Anything About Resigning?"

Is Sepp Blatter just insane or what? That’s about the only question that comes to mind when you hear that, yes, as reports hinted at a couple weeks ago, ol’ Sepp doesn’t actually plan on relinquishing his grasp of the FIFA presidency any time soon—this time coming from the man himself. » 6/26/15 11:22am Friday 11:22am

The USWNT Must Evolve Or Die

This time last year, Brazil were capping off a fairly up-and-down group stage of the 2014 World Cup on home soil. The tournament favorites, whose fans had been planning the impending victory celebration practically since the moment FIFA announced them as hosts, had at times impressed, and at others looked curiously… » 6/23/15 4:24pm 6/23/15 4:24pm

Landon Donovan's Goal Was The Start Of Something Great

As we wait with increasingly dwindling patience for the U.S. women to get their shit together, I thought we could all do with some happy America fuzzy-memory time. June 23, 2010, five years ago today, Landon Donovan’s World Cup stoppage-time goal saved the USMNT from elimination, won them the group, and proved… » 6/23/15 2:25pm 6/23/15 2:25pm

Wambach Blows PK After Colombian Keeper Sent Off; U.S. Score Anyway

Abby Wambach botched a penalty kick awarded after Colombian keeper Catalina Pérez earned a red card for bringing Alex Morgan down on the inside edge of the box, and a lackluster performance by the U.S. seemed to have its lacklustiest moment until a lucky break when Morgan snuck one past replacement keeper Stefany… » 6/22/15 9:18pm 6/22/15 9:18pm