Jim Tomsula Compares 8-8 Season To Sandwich, Might Just Be Kinda Hungry

Frank Gore left the 49ers for the Colts, linebackers Patrick Willis and Chris Borland retired, and another linebacker tore his ACL while working out. New head coach and incredibly quotable man Jim Tomsula is having a rough first offseason so far. In unrelated news, he compared San Francisco's .500 season to a sandwich… » 3/23/15 3:52pm 3/23/15 3:52pm

Did This Comments Section Nostradamus Predict The Warriors' Season?

Most internet commenters are dumb, and you're better off never venturing into the comments section. A lot of the Deadspin staff subscribes to the Cigarette Theory of internet comments, which states that reading an internet comment is akin to smoking a cigarette. It's fine if you do so sparingly, but reading dozens a… » 2/12/15 9:41pm 2/12/15 9:41pm

Dumbest Man Alive Gives Dumbest Possible Explanation For Dumb HOF Vote

This year, I decided to make my life a little happier by giving up on my usual winter pastime of hate-reading terrible Hall of Fame columns written by trolls and gibbering nitwits. Stan Keister of the Hackensack Courier-Educator-Herald voted for no one and spent his entire column on the greatness of Jack Morris?… » 1/08/15 6:32pm 1/08/15 6:32pm

Curt Schilling Has Disproved Evolution

I'm going to cut straight to the chase: Curt Schilling has no fucking clue what he's talking about. For the past 14 hours he has been sending out links to Geocities-looking websites and arguing with people about evolution on Twitter. Despite hundreds of people letting him know that he's wrong, Schilling continues to… » 11/12/14 10:14pm 11/12/14 10:14pm

Big Ben Claims The Steelers Haven't Been Cursed By Justin Bieber

On Saturday, Justin Bieber and the Pittsburgh Steelers were both at a worship service. Cam Heyward and Bruce Gradkowski took photos with the amateur basketball player, who was wearing a Yinzer-tastic shirt. The next day, the Steelers lost to the Jets, 20-13. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I find that to be… » 11/11/14 4:32pm 11/11/14 4:32pm

Jay Bilas Gets Into The Most Boring Twitter Fight Ever

ESPN talking head Jay Bilas often leads the good fight against the NCAA. It was he who almost singlehandedly forced the NCAA to stop selling athlete jerseys, and he applied a good deal of the pressure that forced Kansas State to let Leticia Romero and Alabama to let Daisha Simmons transfer schools despite… » 10/13/14 10:28pm 10/13/14 10:28pm

Cristiano Ronaldo Likens Ugly Tackle To Rugby; Rugby World Turns Stupid

Cristiano Ronaldo was none too happy about his early exit from last week's Champions League match between Real Madrid and Ludogorets, necessitated by this late challenge in the final minutes. After the game, the winger described the tackle thus: "It was a very ugly tackle and it seemed as if we were playing a game of… » 10/06/14 6:18pm 10/06/14 6:18pm