One of Scott Van Pelt’s recurring bits on radio was taunting fellow Maryland native Tim Kurkjian with that curious dialect known as “Ballimerese”—something that repeatedly made Kurkjian giggle like a little girl. Van Pelt brought it back tonight on SportsCenter, and it had the same effect.
It's cool. We all have vices. ESPN's Tim Kurkjian chews his fingernails. Hey, it could have been worse. It might have been his toenails!
Tim Kurkjian ran in the Sausage Race at Miller Park as the No. 4 hot dog and, man, it did not go well for Hot Dog Tim Kurkjian.
Tim Kurkjian stopped by The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz on Friday, and things got weird. Listeners heard Kurkjian talk about his penis size. Let's figure out how we got to this point.
Maryland native Scott Van Pelt has a schtick every time he invites ESPN baseball analyst (and fellow Terrapin) Tim Kurkjian onto his radio show: he closes by saying something in Ballimerese and making Kurkjian burst out into furious, high-pitched laughter.
Syndicated political columnist Charles Krauthammer decided to phone in his pre-Memorial Day column, and, in turn, wound up introducing us to the world's most insufferable get-together. He presents:
With Linsanity dying out, we needed something new. Call it Kurkjianomie.
It's more understated than Blue Jays catcher J.P. Arencibia's, we'll argue. Arencibia's is perhaps funnier—he brought Kurkjian's voice to a comically high pitch—but Ruiz's seems more precise. He's Darrell Hammond to Arencibia's Will Ferrell.
The voice is dead on. Either the Blue Jays catcher is a master of impersonation, or he's squeezing his testicles between his knees.
There's Terrorized Tim Kurkjian, precious Pedro Gomez, particular Peter Gammons, and Jon fucking Heyman.
Tim Kurkjian, Baseball Tonight's creaky-voiced elder statesman, started a Twitter a couple weeks ago. He might not be getting the hang of it.
For the longest time, we thought the way Tim Kurkjian would pronounce his last name while signing off on ESPN telecasts was some sort of sonic illusion. "Tim KIRK ... (endless pause) ... JUN!, ESPN." We couldn't imagine he answered the phone like that at home.