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On the list of "Things That Are Not Smart To Do," we'd have to say that "Drunkenly Plowing Into Shaquille O'Neal's Wife" has to be pretty high up there. But that's what happened to some poor soul at the Video Music Awards last week, and, perhaps not surprisingly, the dude ended up on the floor in a pool of his own fluids.

"I just happened to be looking in that direction because I saw this other basketball player — Richard Hamilton from the Detroit Pistons — shaking hands and saying hello to Shaq. A couple seconds later it just looked like Shaq completely snapped. He turned around and punched this [other] guy right in the face. He totally laid him out with one punch and then he did kind of a running punch when the guy was already on the ground. After that the entire VIP area just collapsed on the guy," said partygoer Jean-Paul Bermudez, who took off with the rest of the crowd without getting the clumsy guest's name.

We mean, just imagine. You're partying it up at the VMAs, you've had a bit to drink, you stumble for a moment into some lady, you hear a yell and then, next thing you know, your skull has been crushed into powder. Makes us want to stay home tonight.

Who's Fighting Now? [Miami New Times] (third item)