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A Deadspin friend who was there gives us a heads-up that Dwight Gooden was just "sentenced" to three years probation for his whole evading arrest/drunk driving/reckless driving incident from a few months ago. He will also "have to" do 100 hours of community service of speaking to schools and Little Leaguers, after which he will almost assuredly ask the kids where he can get some blow. He also got probation and anger management classes for a domestic violence incident from a while back too.

Now, we're not saying that athletes catch breaks in this regard — particularly Gooden, whose ability to avoid jail time is even impressing O.J. Simpson right now — but when we die, we want to come back as an athlete. We will be able to roam the countryside, pillaging like a freaking madman.


Oh, we're also told that Gooden wore a navy suit with a purple shirt, making sure he met the new, controversial felon dress code set down by David Stern.