"You dress like the tube, you eat like the tube, you raise your children like the tube, you even think like the tube. This is mass madness, you maniacs."
• College Football: Division I-AA tournament, semifinal, Northern Iowa at Texas State. USC? Notre Dame? Who are they? Panthers vs. Bobcats in San Marcos, Texas! [ESPN2]
• NBA: New Jersey at Cleveland; New York at Phoenix. We only pray you've purchased enough beer and Pringles. [ESPN]
• NHL: Red Wings at Capitals. Red Wings' Robert Lang meets his old team. This time, it's personal. [Fox Sports Detroit]