• Clinton Portis can change your life, if you'll just let him in.

• Michael Irvin, as you've often seen him before!

• Luke Walton can't get anything free in this world.

• Honestly, we think we could get Anna Benson to promote Deadspin merchandise right now, and for free. As long as the T-shirts were made of fur, that is.

• It doesn't surprise us that Indiana's most popular rapper is 12 years old.

• We gave Stephen A. Smith the benefit of the doubt, and then learned that's always a dumb idea.

• We hosted the Carnival Of The NHL and tried to break anything valuable.

• You know, "Punched By A Lesbian NFL Cheerleader," ultimately, isn't the worst epitaph.

Kenny Mayne, Hoofer.

• Yes, yes, we ran some gratituous photos of hot lady Florida State fans, and yes, we feel bad about it.

• Rickey Henderson will outlive us all.

Oh, and we also tried to hawk our book a little more. And most important, we announced that Deadspin is now a seven-day-a-week enterprise. So come on by tomorrow and cheer the new guy on.