Welcome back to Dead Letters, the feature in which we reprint our favorite reader mail. We’re devoting this edition to the response generated by Drew Magary’s “Why Your Cardinals Suck” post on Thursday. Behold, the best fans in baseball.
Subject: Cardinals fans
From: Dave Schwinn
To: Drew Magary
What a jealous, whiney little fuck you are. You don’t care about us but you wasted your time writing a stupid article. Go back to your room in mommy and daddys basement and make love to you’re blow up doll you HOMO. Go Cards
Subject: Go cards
From: Jerret Hotle
To: Drew Magary
I live in STL. Fuck you.
Hope your days sucks hard, just like you, your team, and your mother.
Hope that wasn’t too june cleaver for ya.
P.S. You’re a terrible writer.
Subject: Response To CardsFan Bash
From: John Phegley
To: Drew Magary
I’m sorry your mother didn’t love you.
A Cardinal Fan
Subject: Cardinals suck
To: Drew Magary
I think the Cardinals won because they scored more runs. Isn’t that the game? Most runs win. The only thing that sucked was your article...lame.
Subject: Sports fan
From: Chad Ingram
To: Drew Magary
A couple of witty remarks with swear words thrown in does not make a columnist. Your hatred for EVERYTHING is quite remarkable. Your life must have been like Piggy’s trip to the island in Lord of the Flies.
I do understand your technique. Be as negative as you can and all the pissed off people will follow. Some people, like Hitler, liked to be shit on. I get it. But the few articles I read were the same. Your blogs, or columns, or whatever they are should be titled “I hate winners. Here is why I hate (fill in the winning team.)
Here is why I hate your team:
Analogy - -analogy - -pointless babble - -analogy - - swear word - - analogy.
Fill in the Mad Lib and you too could be an unknown columnist for it’s 10 followers.
Good luck with your rants.
Chad - a sports fan
Subject: Drew Magary- “Other Other Guys”
From: Casey Chernin
To: Drew Magary
#CardinalNation #RedOctober #BestFansInBaseball #BaseballCapitalOfTheWorld
[Editor’s Note: The following was attached as a document.]
Drew Magary- “The Other Guys”
I think you’re a fake columnist. If you were in the wild, I would attack you, even if you weren’t in my food chain. I would go out of my way to attack you. If I were a Cardinal’s fan and you were Drew Magary, I would fly out to your place of work and knock some sense into that envious, sore-losing, wannabe Cardinal’s fan, head of yours.
OK- first off, The Pirates advancing in the postseason… The Pirate’s don’t like the postseason (last NLCS 1979/ last World Series 1979). They have ZERO Central Division Championships. If you placed them in the Pee Wees, maybe the Minor Leagues, that makes sense. But you find them in the postseason, of the Majors, 45,693 fans, I’m assuming in Busch Stadium, #BaseballCapitaloftheWorld, coming up against an organization with postseason frequent flyer miles #HappyFlight, with their 2,900,605 fans #BestFansInBaseball #CardinalNation (STL’s population since we’re only fans by default because of the area we were born in/live in). You lose that battle (series), you lost that battle (series) 9 times out of 10. And guess what, you’ve wandered into our “giant sucking red hole of good old-fashioned Midwestern piousness” (Magary, Why Your Cardinals Suck) called St. Louis and now we have a taste of Drew Magary. We’ve talked to ourselves. We’ve communicated and said, “You know what, Drew Magary is an envious, Cardinal’s fan wannabe. It’s #RedOctober, let’s do this the #CardinalsWay and show Drew Magary how the #BestFansInBaseball defends their team’s honor. We’ve developed a system to establish a successful organization and continuously beat you and your wannabe followers and will politely win another postseason game showing class and express our heartfelt sympathy for causing you more anger.
Drew Magary Asks: How you gonna do that?
We will continue to have character, and show respect for other teams and their cities as well as remain a top contender each season in the MLB. We will remain heroes on and off the field by supporting the foundations close to our hearts including: Cardinal Care, Hire for Heroes, Redbird Rookies, Stan the Man Foundation, and Jason Motte’s Strikeout Cancer to name a few. We will give 100% on and off the field and play for our fans. We will win. It will not be every game or series, but it won’t be for lack of effort, talent, or trying. We will come back stronger each game ready to redeem ourselves and win one for our fans, families, and teammates during the season and in the off season. That will give us enough time to give back to the community as well as prepare for the following #RedOctober, and prove you wrong. You just lost at your own game. You’re outgunned and out-manned.
Did that go the way you thought it was gonna go?......NOPE.
Subject: You suck
To: Drew Magary
Someone had a bad night.
It seems like we have to deal with this a lot. Generally we’re sincerely nice and for whatever reason some people just don’t like nice people. Because of that they have to take a big steaming pile on it because you are, in fact, just an asshole.
The whole thing is just a projection, sprinkled with a tiny bit of jealousy throughout. It’s ok to be nice, we can be friendly. Even in today’s cynical world, you don’t have to augment your credibility by looking for things to be a dick about.
And just for the record, the Cardinals have the 14th highest payroll - middling - and that payroll accounts for less than half of what the Dodgers spend. So yeah, underdog.
Also, of course STL has it’s issues. Down town in particular. But the region is quite nice.
Don’t get so down buddy. Have a nice day!
I get it. The author has a tiny penis and no real athletic ability - so he writes crap like this to stir the pot and make himself feel like a tough guy. Just because you hit your peak in high school doesn’t mean you should resort to mouthing off about things you don’t understand. I’m originally from California, where baseball fans show up in the 3rd inning and leave in the 7th. Since I’ve lived in Saint Louis - I’ve become a huge fan and respect their organization. It’s a business first and foremost and they run it well. For the moron that said the team is owned by InBev — you’re a great example of a pin-head that probably shouldn’t be allowed to have internet access. Budweiser, Busch or InBev are in no way owners of the team. They have naming rights to the stadium and a long history with the team. Unlike most cities - Cardinal fans know the game of baseball and unlike many of the ignorant sports fans (90 percent of these commenters) - we appreciate good baseball and respect people that play the game well, no matter what team they’re on. But, again, I know none of this matters because riling people up is your “shtick”. You weren’t smart enough to a doctor or anything else of real value - so you write your little website. Congrats!
Everyone that is bashing the cardinals is because you’re jealous! Yes we love our team because they work hard to get where they are. Even some of the cub players wishes their fans were like ours! So instead of bashing a awesome team, maybe you should get there and support your team more!
Not all cards fan are mean, rude , selfish and not all cards fans are white!!!!
You people disgust me with the this hate ! It’s just a baseball team! There is other things in this world to bash like the government and etc.
Learn to grow up and move on and if you just hate this team so much then don’t talk about us! Don’t watch us! We don’t care!!!!
Sorry we can’t help that we have the best baseball team ! Like I said before if it was your team , u wouldn’t be hating but since it’s not u have to hate and be jealous but thank you from me and cardinal nation making us center of ur attention! :) let’s go cards!!!! :)
So we should apologize for being classy? What an a-hole statement. We don’t stab or harass opposing fans...when they come to visit. You can take your family to Bush without seeing vulgar thugs spew hate. Classy fans...Classy Team....Red October....Cardinal Nation
There are serious flaws in every part of this article so I’ll just start from the top and work my way down. The Cardinals will label themselves underdogs against the Dodgers because that’s exactly what they are. Despite finishing ahead of LA in the regular season, and having homefield advantage the Vegas bookmakers list the Dodgers as a favorite to win the series, and also list the Cardinals behind the Red Sox to win the world series, and if Detroit wins game 5 tonight they will be behind Detroit too most likely and thus the fourth favorite AKA underdogs.
This series is comparable to them vs the Pirates. The Pirates payroll is $66 mil, the Cards have a payroll of $116 mil, and the Dodgers boast a payroll of $216 mil in 2013. The Cardinals actually have a less percentage of the LAD payroll then PIT had of the STL payroll... 66(PIT)/116(STL)=57%, 116(STL)/216(LAD)=53%. So yeah STL is a top-10 payroll but nowhere near the Dodgers payroll.
In regards to the “sabermetric punching bag David Eckstein” he was the World Series MVP in 2006.
If the Cardinals are not the best fans in baseball then they are at least in the discussion, part of this is due to the lack of professional sports teams in St. Louis to compete with. The Rams and Blues haven’t been in St. Louis for nearly as long as the Cardinals so it is clearly a Cardinals town. Busch Stadium year in and year out has one of the highest attendances, and is one of the top venues to see a game. Don’t take my word for it though next time the Cardinals are on TV pay attention to what the announcers say I’m sure it will be positive about the fans.
The “Cardinal Way” is referring to their lack of huge off-season signings and the emergance of the younger guys in their farm system getting called up and making a huge impact (see David Freese/Allen Craig 2011 postseason). Yes they do have a couple big signings from time to time (Matt Holliday, Carlos Beltran) but the majority of their lineup are relative no namers outside of St. Louis (Jon Jay, Matt Adams, Pete Kozma, Matt Carpenter). And their pitching staff is the same way with great young talent Joe Kelly. Shelby Miller, Trevor Rosenthal. Michael Wacha the 22 year old who threw 7 innings of 1 hit ball against the Pirates with the season on the line was acquired from the Angels draft pick as a result of the Albert Pujols deal. So you may not “trust any organization that has a ‘Way’ named after it” but you should because the Cardinals get results. What else would you call it anyway? It’s not how the Yankees, Dodgers, Angels operate and it certainly isn’t how the Cubs operate. People have no problem giving the A’s credit for the “Moneyball” teams why can’t the Cardinals have their “way”?
I don’t understand how Bernie Milaskryzewski saying the Pirates will be good for the foreseeable future, and implying how they will be better because of this experience rubs you the wrong way. If he rips the Pirates he is considered a jerk, and if he says something positive about the Pirates he is a fraud who in reality is an arrogant jerk. Maybe he shouldn’t publish anything next time it’s not like its his job or anything.
St. Louis obviously isn’t the best city but most big cities aren’t. Everyone says they hate the Cardinals for reasons other than they win a lot. But the truth is no one talks bad about a loser or a team that isn’t great. There aren’t going to be any deadspin articles on the Blue Jays or Brewers anytime soon. Losers will always hate winners, and will nitpick and try and find any excuse to not like them or not root for them.
If the STL Cardinals sucked as bad as you say, why are they in the playoffs? This is just downright ridiculous. Everything that you said in this article is based on STL’s fans, not based on how the Cardinals perform on the field. You defined “fan” as overly confident.. of course they are going to be confident in their team. THATS WHAT A FAN IS. Whoever you are, you just seem bitter, and slightly jealous that the Cardinals continue to make it to the post season. They are a damn good team, along with every other MLB team. Some are just a bit better than others. And yes, I am a Cardinal Fan. I have lived about 45 minutes from St. Louis since I was born. St. Louis is NOT a dump, maybe in some parts but that’s just like every other damn City in the US. They have their good sides and their bad sides. I have played ball since I was 7, and looked up to the Cardinals from the start (Even though I am a girl and played softball). Yes The Cardinals have have a few bad years, but listen here.. THEY HAVE BEEN IN THE PLAYOFFS FOR THE PAST THREE YEARS, and I have witnessed them win the World Series twice now and I’m 21 years old. I’d say that’s a pretty damn good team, and their fans should be confident. So grow up! I have no idea if they will make it to the World Series this year, they have a good chance just like all the other teams, but no one can deny the fact that the Cardinals have worked their ass’ off to get where they are now (not saying the other teams haven’t)...Posting this disgusting article doesn’t make you look intelligent, nor is it going to make the Cardinals fans stop what they are doing.. so please hold your breath... Douche.
This is my first reply to a blog and even replying is feeding into this writers plan, but....what the hell. It is quite obvious why this article was written. As the only thing this National-Esquire-Shock-Media-Title is missing is a nude jumpsuit and an over sized Foam Finger. (Which you can purchase at Busch Stadium...because...well..as you know we’re #1..) The issue that i have with this article is not that this journalist doesn’t like the Cardinals. I could care less what he thinks about my team and unfortunately he is not going to change the mind of any Cardinal fan reading. However, a smart play by him to criticize as he cited a Nationwide fan base of people at the absolute perfect time. Why is now the perfect time? Because contrary to belief, Cardinals fans are not egotistical maniacs that feel they deserve every win. A lot of of were very nervous last night. Why would the “Cardinal Nation” be nervous? Because as many titles as we have won, as much as we may deserve to be in the playoffs, deep down inside behind all the cheering and towel waving, and yes layers & layers & layers of red clothing...we feel...well...Lucky to be there. In a season where we lost one of the biggest players in our Franchise history, lost the biggest General Managers in our Franchise history, benched from injuries one of the biggest pitchers in our franchise + a bunch of young talent & a 1st year GM....Sweet Jesus we could still win this thing. What “Sports Fan”wouldn’t get behind that team and that story. So as i applaud your smart journalism move as we Cardinals Fans played right into your hand....Sharing on Facebook, Tweeting about this article, etc. but I know the truth. Yes, you write about sports for a living and this article works in a world full of wannabe journalist trying to make a splash. But in a week this article won’t matter, but the Cardinals and their fans will still be here and don’t worry, we’ll be alright. Because if there is one thing you may hate about the Cardinals is....Those M-F**&ers just. don’t. stop.
Hard to know where to start with so much wrong with the substance of the message.
Let’s see -
1. I don’t blame the author for this specifically because I’ve heard this from other sources - The Cardinals are NOT fielding a top ten payroll. At the beginning of the season the Cardinals were actually at $87 million, and that’s before Garcia went down, so they’re likely fielding something less than that now.
2. “Talking Teddy Ruxpin” is redundant.
3. Yankees (for the most part) are horrible, but not because they’re Yankees fans, but because they’re (again for the most part) from New York.
4. I don’t give my neighbors Jell-O, I bake and give them brownies or sometimes my grandmother’s recipe for gooey butter cake.
5. If you want to hang yourself, consult a professional.
6. No place is a “paradise” but the midwest at large is definitely more family friendly and stable than most cities that exist near an ocean.
7. “...the Cardinals don’t like it when another team like the Pirates or Nationals dares to threaten their self-appointed status as America’s Baseball Sweethearts...” There is no fun in it when there is no competition. Winning can’t be fun without the threat of losing. I want the threat of a loss or else it isn’t real. Surely Yankees/Dodgers/Angels/Red Sox fans are at least acquainted with the term “reality”...right? Oh no, I’m sorry, that’s what the rest of us exist in, where victories are earned, and not purchased with $150 - $200+ million dollar payrolls and Billion dollar TV contracts.
8. I have bad news for you, at less than half of the Dodger’s payroll, and team full of rookies, the Cardinals are the underdogs. It’s not even up for debate, it’s a fact.
9.”The Cardinals are fucking awful...” Really? Based on what criteria? A cynical person that thinks reality is tattoos, piercings and general misery? Someone that thinks it’s normal and appropriate to have to depend on Xanax to live from one day to the next? Someone that thinks the Kardashians are the paramount example of role-models?
10. “… whenever you tell Leitch to ‘GO TO HELL’, he acts like you’re the asshole! “ I don’t even know Will Leitch, but if someone walks up to me and tells me to go to hell, I would primarily admire their nerve, but yeah, s/he is an asshole. Seems like a normal response to me.
I don’t seek pats on the head from anyone, I don’t seek glory for my team. I seek one thing: a fundamental change in baseball so every team has a shot at October baseball. If you think baseball is just fine the way it is, then go enjoy your glorified beer league visa vie a four team mega-rich confluence of shampoo salesman. The rest of us want baseball, and will stubbornly do things correctly, aka the right way.
Ouch. You’re overzealous hatred of a great ball club with good fans is staggering. St. Louis didn’t dub itself the best fans in baseball. The players gave us that honorary title. They love playing here. They love playing in a sold out stadium for nearly every game, in front of fans that understand and appreciate the science and skill of baseball. We’re not great football fans, we’re mediocre hockey fans, and we don’t know that basketball still exists. But we know and love baseball. I think you were hoping more Cardinal fans would come here and moan and gripe about your article. You were hoping to be the devil’s advocate and lure in a huge group of dirty rednecks that would trash talk in countless broken sentences and misspelled words.
Epic fail sir.
I cannot legally say what I’d truly like to in response to this..... I can’t even call it writing, because it comes across as nothing more than a whiny non-Cardinals fan (Cubs? Reds? Braves? Is that you, Brandon Phillips???) having a hissy fit all over his computer’s keyboard because he wishes his team was in the same position as the Cardinals are: in the playoffs, in pursuit of their TWELFTH (yes, you read that right) World Series Championship. To say that the Cardinals are a bad team is just an absurd statement. I’d love to know how 97 wins from a team led by five All-Stars and a slew of legitimate candidates for the National League’s MVP, Cy Young, Rookie of the Year, and Manager of the Year awards qualifies as bad. Never mind the fact that they were one win away from returning to the World Series for the fourth time since 2004 in 2012 to defend their 2011 crown under the guidance of a rookie manager, and despite losing one of the most successful and innovative managers in baseball history, a genius that redefined the role of a pitching coach, and one of the greatest baseball players in the history of the game.
Honestly, if you hate the Cardinals THAT much, then just turn off the television, ignore them, and do something productive with your life other than seethe over the success of a franchise that you are not a fan of.
And as for the attack on Cardinals fans, I have this to say: we are NOT all a bunch of inbred rednecks that pompously and arrogantly inflate our own self-importance. We have our share of bandwagon fans just like anyone else, but three million-plus in annual attendance speaks volumes to how much this city holds it’s team in its heart. Opposing teams and their fans are generally treated with the courtesy and respect that you would show a worthy adversary, albeit the occasional loudmouth drunks notwithstanding. I was at Game 2 of the NLDS where Pittsburgh absolutely rolled Lance Lynn and the Redbirds, and directly in front of me were four Pirates fans that had taken a road trip to see their team play, one of whom would wave a Jolly Roger after every play that went the Pirates’ way. Despite the outcome for the home team, these four fans were treated excellently by the locals, spending much of the day cracking jokes and talking in-depth about baseball. When STL lost, the Pirates fans were congratulated on their team’s success, not only in that game but for the entire season as well. Every team claims to have the best fans in baseball, and St. Louis is no different. Perhaps you just think it’s constantly being forced down your throat because the Cardinals get so much exposure and coverage every October?
This story is probably the worst story I’ve ever seen written. Non of your statements have any basis. 1st Statement- The Cardinals Suck- The Cardinals have produced a winning franchise without going out in free agency and spending big bucks like the Yankees, Red Sox, Dodgers, and Angels. The Cardinals have talent all throughout the organization. They have built a “dynasty” if you will due to high character players and good scouting. Obviously you are probably in love with a team like Houston or Chicago and are jealous at the success the Cardinals have had. 2nd Statement- The Fans are terrible because they self-pronounce themselves as the best in baseball. FALSE!!!! Even though it is true they are the best fans in baseball I haven’t heard one fan on the news or in an interview brag about how great they are. This is brought upon by the media like your lowly pathetic self. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard a broadcaster say what great fans St. Louis has and nobody was holding a gun to their heads. 3rd Statement- You hate the Cardinal Way- Just because you were brought up with no morals or beliefs doesn’t mean other people can’t have them. AGAIN nobody holds a gun to a players head and says you have to embrace the Cardinal Way otherwise you can’t play here. The fact of the matter is that’s just what kind of players St. Louis attracts. Nobody in the world cares what kind of city St. Louis is either. I didn’t hear you mention L.A. or the piss hole city of Detroit. They are just as filthy and corrupt. This is the first time I have ever been on this website and it will be the last. I can’t stand haters that had problems with their mommy or daddy when they were little. Maybe one day you will stop hating the world and enjoy life. Until then I will be stilling back and watching the Cardinals have success for a long time. Oh, did I mention I have the Birds winning the World Series this year?
First and foremost, my question is: do you watch the same baseball I do? And if you do, are you drunk or high on drugs whilst doing so? The Cardinals beat the Pirates because they are BETTER than them. And now the fans are going to brand the Cardinals as underdogs? Last time I checked, they weren’t the underdogs in this situation. And last time I checked they certainly weren’t “fucking awful.” Where do you get off saying that? I suspect your team has millions of World Series titles if you are able to say that they are awful. A team with the 3rd most wins definitely is not awful. Did you watch the same games I did??
Next, let’s talk fans, and oh boy do you make me angry. We are the best fans in baseball because we believe in our time regardless of the month. If you want to compare Cardinals and Pirates, look at their fanbase! Look who suddenly had a stadium full of people cheering for them, not the Cardinals. We stand behind our team no matter what and if that doesn’t scream a good fanbase, I don’t know what does. And sorry that you “don’t trust an organization that has a Way named after it” but I don’t see anyone from St. Louis criticizing other cities’ street names. If that’s really the only argument you have against us as fans, that’s weak.
You say St. Louis is a fucking dump? THIS ARTICLE is a fucking dump. Please look at all the facts before you say such horridly false things about a city and a team you know NOTHING about. You can say I’m biased all you want as a born and bred St. Louis girl but after watching as many games as I have in my 18 years of life and after being to several games in other various stadiums I can say for a fact that what you’re saying about my team and my city IS GARBAGE. You sir need to do some serious reevaluating of your perspective on baseball. Please never speak of the Cardinals again unless you gain some kind of understanding of what the team and the city are about. I honestly lost brain cells whilst reading this article and I’m skipping studying for an exam because my city and team needed to be defended so badly to a man who doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Gain some knowledge on the game and the team and get back to me.
P.S Yeah, we are classy folks. The first draft of this response had curse words out the wazoo but I’m holding myself back because I, as a Cardinal fan, am better than that.
You speak of repulsiveness, but your message of F—K YOU is so vile I can just picture the spittle coming out of your mouth as you say it. I don’t know if the Pirates are your team, but you certainly act like one of their fans, who booed each and every Cardinals batter as they stepped to the plate.
You are of a generation that does not know how to be polite or even civil with those you disagree with. You cannot make a logical argument about any topic, you simply hurl epithets at anyone who does not agree with you: CARDINALS SUCK! F—K YOU! GO TO HELL! ST. LOUIS IS A S—T HOLE!
Cubs fans are just as loyal to their team, yet you don’t seem to have a problem with that. Is that because their team has suffered for so many years and you are sympathetic with that? Is the problem that the Cardinals have enjoyed so much success over the past century? Red Sox Nation are as loyal and rabid fans as there are, and would suggest that Fenway Park is akin to a shrine. Their team has enjoyed a rebirth in the past decade and ran roughshod over the rest of the American League this year. You don’t express any vitriol regarding their team or fan base, so it doesn’t seem that you despise their success.
Maybe what you take exception to is the fact that Cardinals fans are the antithesis of you. During their home games against the Pirates in the division series Cardinals fans didn’t boo the opposing batters, they didn’t chant derisively at the opposing pitcher. Cardinals fans love their team, but in general they also love the game of baseball and respect their opponent. Are there some exceptions to that? Of course, not every single Cardinal fan subscribes to these sentiments, but as a whole the statement is very true. The Cardinals organization embodies these same characteristics. They show respect for the game and the teams they face. They are gracious in both victory and defeat. This is why the Cardinals and their fans are great.
Butt hurt much? Sounds like it.