This is kind of stressing us out. Ignoring all the fabricated Joey Porter junk, this is why the Super Bowl is so much freaking fun these days. After the jump, we're blogging the rest of the way home.
0:00: And that'll do it: Roethlisberger takes a knee like a champion. Because he is.
0:10: Pretty much every Seahawks fan on the Web thinks this game was fixed. So you know. Not bad officiating: Fixed.
0:34: First down Seattle!
0:52: God bless Mike Holmgren: He's still hiding his mouth while calling plays. That's cute.
2:00: In Bettis' last carry of his career, he was tackled by his own offensive lineman. Poor Matt Hasselbeck; he has to throw the final interception that leads to the Cowher Gatorade Dump. For a guy who has been struck by lightning twice, it's a tough fate.
3:04: Bettis is gonna fumble. You watch. Wee!
3:41: Roethlisberger — on totally not a broken play — sneaks around for a first down, and this is all over but the shouting. Now it's time to just watch for the Gatorade dump. Here comes the Bettis shot ... yep!
3:51: Seahawks fans are losing it. "A blind 4-year-old rugby fan could officiate this game better than these jackasses." — Wilmore from Seahawks.net.
3:56: Jerome Bettis carry. We're all done here.
4:32: A brilliant call leads to a first down for the Steelers, and the Seahawks do a physical interpretation of their frustration by starting a fight. Even the ref was down there. He was givin' him the business down there!
6:07: Wait for it ... wait for it ... yes! There's the extended Jerome Bettis closeup.
6:20: Hasslebeck is nailed, sacked and beaten. Seahawks obligingly boot the punt in the end zone, and if we don't have a three-and-out here, this game is all sleepy-timed out.
7:13: You see, Matt Hasselbeck is so cool in this situation because he's completely bald. Last year, Donovan McNabb froze because he's only receding. Next time, Donovan, you'll make it all the way.
7:31: You can always count on Joe Jeravicius to knock some fucker's helmet off.
8:21: Hasselbeck is ruled to have fumbled, but on replays, we think it'll be turned back. He was touched on the way down, we think. If he's not ruled down, though, we are going to be too scared to check any more Seahawks message boards the rest of the night.
8:36: Honestly, the Steelers do that play every game, and the Seahawks are in SERIOUS trouble. This is what happens when every player on your roster played quarterback in college.
10:20: Every time we think we know what's going on in this game, we're proven wrong again. This game is like driving with our 13-year-old cousin who can't use the clutch right. Nice tackle by Hasselbeck, though.
12:09: And just like that, Hasselbeck is sacked by a fat man not named Jerome Bettis. We'll shush now.
13:01: The Seahawks rule. They have gone 90 yards on this drive ... wait! Crap! Holding penalty. We would like to note, though, that if Jerramy Stevens grabs the winning touchdown pass, he's totally winning the MVP, and we have to think that would be pretty fantastic.
15:00: Someone here just said, "Oh, shit, I don't think 'Grey's Anatomy' is starting on time.