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Ashley Cole, soccer star for Arsenal (known to cool people as the "Gunners") and England, is suing a couple of London newspapers for alleging that he was involved in a gay orgy. Cole is pictured there with his fianc , pop singer Cheryl Tweedy, who is smoking hot.

The newspapers printed stories about a couple of soccer players getting down with someone in the music industry and using a cell phone as a gay sex toy, which just sounds unsanitary and unsafe. Is there an attachment for that sort of thing? The British are so far ahead of us when it comes to using cell phones as sex toys.

Cole was never actually named by the papers, but they printed some pictures with the faces blurred out, and everyone seemed to think it was Cole. A different paper, noting Cole's lawsuit, ran the headline, "Ashley Cole: I'm Not a Rear Gunner."

I wish the America media worked more like the British media. I'd make up a gay rumor about a different athlete every weekend here on Deadspin. Hell, I'd do it with every post. The first thing I would do is romantically link Warren Sapp and Shaun White. If I could do that sort of thing.

Cole sues tabloids [The Advertiser]