Deadspin presents a chronologically-arranged guide to sports on TV today. I can't promise that it's comprehensive... you may have a different cable package. You may not have a television. You may have the MLB Extra Inning package and and plan to watch baseball until your vision deteriorates to the point where you need Harry Carey's glasses. You might even choose to spend your day outdoors. Please tell the sun I said hello.
ESPN2, 1:00 p.m. U.S. Paintball Championships. It might just be me, but I think those who believe paintball on TV is about to become all the rage are going to be disappointed.
ESPN2, 2:00 p.m. Tennis, Family Circle Cup. Justine Henin-Hardenne vs. Anna-Lena Groenfeld.
NBC, 2:00 p.m. NHL: New York Rangers @ Philadelphia Flyers. Maybe another Ranger will curse in the post-game.
CBS, 3:00 p.m. Golf: Third Round, Verizon Heritage. Hey, John Daly's in this one.
ABC, 3:00 p.m. Figure Skating: Marshalls International. Go ahead and watch. No one will make fun of you. To your face.
ESPN2, 4:00 p.m. MLS, Chicago Fire @ Columbus Crew. Midwestern soccer supremacy is on the line.
NFL Network, 4:00 p.m. NFL Europe. Rhein Fire @ Amsterdam Admirals. The Amsterdam team should have the best morale in all of sports.
ESPNU, 4:00 p.m. West Virginia Blue-Gold Spring Football Game. Reminisce all-afternoon about the Sugar Bowl, if you'd like.
NBC, 4:30 p.m. U.S. Snowboarding Championships. Shaun White would be really upset if you forgot about him.