Bill Simmons made a lot of dudes want to write about sports, according to the continuing elegiac tweetstorm that dusted up after ESPN kicked him out of bed last Friday. This will happen when you spend the far side of a decade writing for a preponderance of our nationā€™s 16-to-25-year-old sports bros; this is not nothing, and it is probably commendable on many levels. Thatā€™s the nice thing I have to say about Bill. Now, go make some stupid photoshops of the Internetā€™s most widely subscribed English Comp. professor.

Hereā€™s your isolated Simmo. Winner gets Gregā€™s copy of the inaugural Grantland quarterly.