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We're having a little trouble processing this information without the analytic professors of "ESPN Hollywood" there to guide us through the wilderness, but we're gonna try anyway.

Apparently "actor" Matthew McConaughey, against his dealer's orders, is using his email after midnight again. He sent the Austin American-Statesman a lengthy screed about how we should appreciate Barry Bonds' achievements because "he's clean now." Witness:

If Barry Bonds did take steroids or not, even if you think he did or didn't, you gotta root for him because, whatever is true, or whatever you believe, he's clean now. Fact and perception.

We imagine McConaughey typing out the email while in the midst of a naked bongo session. We also imagine Bonds, upon hearing the news of McConaughey's defense, muttering, "Uh, thanks, but no thanks, dude."

McConaughey Takes A Stand For Bonds [Austin American-Statesman]