This is Will Leitch, the founder of Deadspin and world’s most annoying Cardinals fan. We love Leitch, but we also like trolling him at every possible opportunity by telling him that he is human garbage and his favorite team is a band of wingnut Puritan shitbags who hack into laptops and pepper spray vagrants when no one is looking. His team got knocked out of the playoffs today (by the Cubs, of all teams!). And so, we’d like to take this opportunity as a staff to say:
AHAHAHAHAHAHA EAT SHIT LEITCH! YOU LOST. YOUR TEAM IS DUMB AND YOU HAVE A FACE MADE OF POOP. We wrote this post in advance of the Cards losing, despite our fear of TOTALLY jinxing the Cubs in the process. But we couldn’t wait because we had to post this right when your dorky penis team lost and your pain was at its most acute! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA SUCK OUR BALLBASKET. Your team won 100 games and now it’s all for NOTHING! You had third act problems! No one wanted your team to win! The world is happy now because the Cards are dead. GO CRY IN YOUR YOOHOO BOTTLE IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT!
GO CUBS! TODAY IS THE BEST DAY EVAR. EAT GALLONS OF SHIT, HOWDY DOODY!