If the movies have taught us anything, it's that Alcatraz is escape-proof. That's because of the frigid, shark-infested mile-and-a-half of San Francisco Bay that's between the notorious former federal prison and the city of San Francisco. If you're a 1940s goon, hood, mobster, mug, ruffian, thug, tough, bandit, crook or swindler, Alcatraz was your last stop. Forget about it, Lefty. You ain't getting off of "The Rock."
So then when did the area become a children's day care center? It seems that every other weekend some parent is throwing their kid into the drink and making him swim from Alcatraz to Aquatic Park, each one younger than the next. The latest was recent zygote Braxton Bilbrey, a seven-year-old second-grader from Arizona. He completed the swim in a brisk, efficient 47 minutes, exiting the water with a baby shark clamped to his butt and demanding Teddy Grahams. Bilbrey became the youngest ever to do it, breaking the record held by 9-year-old Johnny Wilson of Hillsborough, who made the swim in October 2005. Note to Braxton: Johnny does not take kindly to his record being broken. No, not kindly at all.