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Since we're already on a pretty good masturbation theme this week, I want to be sure that we don't leave out the ladies. If the video of Mike Cooper in a library wasn't quite doing it for them, the England soccer vibrator may do the job. The company's website makes some bold claims:

G-oh-oh-ooal! Come on England! Go 45 minutes each way with this mini orgasm machine and you'll feel like you've won the world cup of sex! And if you get sent for an early bath, no problem - the Victory Vibe is totally waterproof!

Well, that sounds promising. Reasonably priced at £9.99, too. And that is, by no stretch of the imagination, the only World Cup-themed sex product out there. A company called Beate Uhse AG has vibrators featuring not just teams or countries, but actual players. Michael Ballack, Oliver Kahn, and David Beckham each have their own models. Ballack and Kahn are have filed injunctions to get the sales stopped.

I love the post here at There's Your Karma, Ripe as Peaches. She supports the player-themed vibrators, and... well, she sounds like she knows something on the subject. I'm taking her word for it.

World Cup Themed Vibrators Upset Kahn and Ballack [There's Your Karma, Ripe As Peaches]
Bringing the World Cup into the Bedroom [Spiegel Online]
England World Cup Victory Vibe [LoveHoney.co.uk]

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By the way, I'm feeling a little Mike Cooper-ish at the moment.. I'm not at a public library, but I am at a Barnes & Noble, and I am looking at a webpage selling vibrators. I'm fucking petrified that Carl Monday's going to pop out from behind the Sudoku section or something. If he does, I'm throwing coffee in his face and running like hell in the other direction.