It's very sadly missing from the Sunday TV sports lineup, but there is a hot new sport on the horizon. It's called Finger Jousting, and it's sweeping the... okay, it's not sweeping the nation or anything else. But they do have a website. So that's step one. Here's how the sport works:
Finger jousting is a sport where two consenting players square off in attempt to prod their opponent with their right index finger before the opposing player can. Each competitor must keep their right hands locked in an arm wrestling fashion and not use their legs or left (latent) arm in an offensive manner. The competitors are known as jousters and the act of touching the other person's body with the index finger is known as lancing. A player can lance anywhere except the lancing (right) arm.
And if you're looking to get into an official tournament, I'm sorry, but "There are currently no upcoming events nor tournaments, because of the lack of funds and official members." Bummer.
You can laugh if you want to, but you know damn well you're going to try this with one of your dumber cousins tomorrow at your Memorial Day cookout. And if you're good at it, you're going to keep going around and asking people if they want to Finger Joust, until someone finally calls the police. But then you'll show them your laminated Official World Finger Jousting Membership card that fits perfectly into the average wallet, and then they'll send you to spend the rest of your days in some sort of psychiatric hospital.
Also, as a Deadspin exclusive, we've acquired the official Finger Jousting world rankings:
1) Mike Cooper
2) Antonio Alfonseca
3) Reggie Evans