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We've figured out why Dallas Mavericks star Dirk Nowitzki, despite scoring 50 points in a Game 5 victory of massive import and generally making that leap into alpha dog status that we require of all our superstars, always fails to appropriately inspire us the way that, say, LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, even Kobe Bryant and Tim Duncan can. It's because Dirk Nowitzki isn't cool.

This is hardly news, and it's not to say that he isn't an astounding player, particularly one able to elevate his game when everyone's watching. But unlike all those other guys, there aren't many times when we think, "Man, it would be cool to be Dirk Nowitzki." Don't get us wrong: It probably is cool to be Dirk, much cooler than it is to be us. But still: We're not sure that many people truly want to be Dirk; are there kids apeing his moves on the playground?

Of course, when you're one game away from the NBA Finals and have a Hasselhoff-based cheering section, we suppose you probably don't care all that much.

Keep Your Hands Off Your Dirk [True Hoop]

(Getty Images photo.)