We hear words like "beauty" and "handsomness" and "incredibly chiseled features," and for us, that's like a vanity of self-absorption that we try to steer clear of.

We weren't like every other kid, you know, who dreams about being an astronaut. We were always more interested in what bark was made out of on a tree. Richard Gere's a real hero of ours. Sting. Sting would be another person who's a hero. The music he's created over the years ... we don't really listen to it, but the fact that he's making it, we respect that. We care desperately about what we do. Do we know what product we're selling? No. Do we know what we're doing today? No. But we're here, and we're gonna give it our best shot. Who's with us? Click here to find out how to let us do our thing for you, Deadspin advertiser.

• HSBC
• Rockstar Games
• Evian
• Mobizzo
• Mini
• Hershey's
• Thrillist