Photo: Sam Greenwood/Getty

At last, the NFL season is upon us, in all its screaming lunacy. Many people are fans of the NFL, and football, but a great and growing number of people have lost their appetite for the NFL’s special brew of grating self-importance, brazen pandering, and grueling self-destruction. These roundups—a look at how other television networks are scheduling against the autumn behemoth that is the NFL—are mostly for the latter group, who might find themselves looking for something else to grab their attention on a Sunday.

Below you’ll find a healthy slate of non-football sports, plus some dependable Sunday marathons, and a pretty deep selection of movies. If you’re outside the immediate vicinity of Irma, chances are the weather is pretty nice—you could always head outside, go hiking, dig a giant hole in the ground, tie yourself to a pole, whatever suits your mood. If you’re stuck in front of the tube for one reason or another, here are some options to help you survive:

Other Sports

Noon — beIN Sports Connect — Serie A Soccer: Benevento vs. Torino

beIN Sports Connect is beIN Sports’s streaming service. Also, it’s worth mentioning, if you’ve got an OTT service, like Sling TV, all of beIN’s programming is available after the fact. Today I plan on catching the Barcelona-Levante match from yesterday, without the aid of DVR. Suck it, DirecTV.

Noon — FOX Sports 2 — Bundesliga Soccer: Shalke 04 vs. Stuttgart

Not a bad day for European soccer. Worth mentioning that FS2 does not make all their programming available after the fact on OTT services, so you’ll need a DVR to catch any live Bundesliga soccer you miss.

Noon — FOX Sports 1 — Golf: Walker Cup at Los Angeles Country Club

It’s foursomes today. I have no idea what this is.

12:30 p.m. — beIN Sports Español — La Liga Soccer: Celta Vigo vs. Alavés

These two sides will be battling to avoid relegation this season.

1 p.m. — ESPN — MLS Soccer: Sporting Kansas City vs. Columbus Crew

The fourth-place teams in the Eastern and Western Conferences square off.

2:45 p.m. — beIN Sports Español — La Liga Soccer: Villareal vs. Real Betis

A win today would put Real Betis ahead of [gulp] Real Madrid on the table.

2:45 p.m. — beIN Sports Connect — Serie A Soccer: Bologna vs. Napoli

Napoli are for sure one of the best sides in Italy, so this could be fun.

3 p.m. — ESPN 2 — WNBA Playoffs: Phoenix Mercury @ Connecticut Sun

The WNBA Playoffs are single-elimination.

3:30 p.m. — FOX Sports 1 — MLS Soccer: FC Dallas vs. Atlanta United

We’re still in that part of the football season where there is tons of other sports action going on.

4 p.m. — ESPN — U.S. Open Men’s Final: Rafael Nadal vs. Kevin Anderson

A win by Anderson would surely be a huge upset. Unfortunately for the underdog, Anderson has taken just one set in the previous four matches he’s played against Nadal, according to Tennis.com.

4 p.m. — TBS — Baseball: Rockies @ Dodgers

Colorado is three games up on the Brewers for the second NL Wild Card spot*.

6 p.m. — FOX Sports 1 — Golf: Walker Cup at Los Angeles Country Club

Now it’s singles? I mean I really have no idea what this is.

8 p.m. — ESPN — Baseball: Orioles @ Indians

The Indians are on an incredible run, and are now tied for the best record in the American League. The Orioles are three games back of the AL Wild Card and need every win they can get.

TV Reruns

1 p.m. — USA — Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

I can’t understand why there isn’t just one channel for each of the Law & Order franchises.

1 p.m. — Logo — Roseanne

Logo’s Roseanne marathon, the prize for losing the great Golden Girls wars of 2016, runs until 4 p.m.

1 p.m. — TV Land — The Golden Girls

A Sunday staple of NFL counterprogramming.

1 p.m. — UP — America’s Funniest Home Videos

This day-long marathon is a goddamn masterstroke. God help any football fan with children in the room who accidentally scrolls to the UP channel today.

1:08 p.m. — AMC — The Walking Dead

Episodes to take you all the way through today’s slate of NFL action.

1:30 p.m. — Comedy Central — South Park

A day-long Sunday marathon, which I think is a semi-regular thing on Comedy Central, now.

4 p.m. — FXX — The Simpsons

Today’s mini-marathon includes “Lisa the Greek” and “Lisa the Beauty Queen,” and then a couple hours of later-season crap.

4 p.m. — Logo — Married ... With Children

A four-hour marathon to cover the late games.

7 p.m. — ABC — America’s Funniest Home Videos

It’s from Season 27, with Alphonso Ribeiro. Not the best!

Movies

Noon — CMT — City Slickers

CMT has as good an approach to NFL counterprogramming as any network out there.

1 p.m. — TBS — Man of Steel

Tough day for movies. TNT and Syfy are throwing their schedule away on shit like The November Man and Columbiana. A little early in the season to be waiving the white flag.

1:30 p.m. — IFC — The Departed

Commercials will annoy you, but at least they won’t chop it to ribbons [glares at Sundance]. Also, you can catch this later—they’re re-airing it immediately after the closing credits, in the neighborhood of 4:45 p.m.

2:30 p.m. — CMT — Crocodile Dundee

See what I mean about CMT?

2:45 p.m. — FreeForm — Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl

FreeForm’s lineup today is otherwise a real dog.

3 p.m. — FXM — The Sandlot

I was never especially a fan of this movie.

3 p.m. — BBC America — Black Hawk Down

BBC America is airing this for half the day: once at noon, and again here.

4:50 p.m. — VH-1 — Space Jam

VH-1 also has Purple Rain today, covering the 1 p.m. games.

6 p.m. — Sundance — The Shawshank Redemption

There it is. Like clockwork. Autumn arrives, and Sundays turn into Shawshank Redempion day.

7 p.m. — FX — The Avengers

The right kind of silly-hearted action stuff to take on the NFL, especially given the NFL’s habit of producing lousy primetime games.

8 p.m. — MLB Network — Field of Dreams

Even the sports networks are getting in on the movies-versus-football act.

Do not tie yourself to a pole by the beach during a hurricane, my friends.