Photo credit: John Locher/AP

LiAngelo Ball and two other UCLA freshmen shoplifted some expensive sunglasses while in Hangzhou, and were arrested for it. From the looks of things, the Chinese government elected not to take the dipshit theft of a few dipshit college athletes very seriously, and so the young dipshit perpetrators were confined to a lovely lakeside hotel for a few days and forced to miss a basketball game, before being shipped back home. Maybe the President got involved; maybe his involvement helped expedite the return of the dipshits to their home country. Who the hell knows.

We can be sure of this much: Because our President is a grandstanding shithead, he was always always always going to take credit for a positive outcome. The extent of his diplomatic prowess is probably this: calling upon a country as vast and complex as China to not care too much about the petty theft of a few dipshit college kids there to stage a basketball game. The silliness of the President’s heroic intervention was not lost on LaVar Ball, father of LiAngelo Ball, according to ESPN:

“Who?” LaVar Ball told ESPN on Friday, when asked about Trump’s involvement in the matter. “What was he over there for? Don’t tell me nothing. Everybody wants to make it seem like he helped me out.”

The three UCLA players thanked President Trump “for intervening on [their] behalf” in their statements upon returning to the United States. I am all for LaVar Ball’s heel act when he turns it on actual heels.