Life is a strange thing, isn’t it? I had no idea, for example, that after many years spent not playing or following sports, I would one day become the deputy editor of Deadspin following the untimely death of Barry Petchesky. And yet, here I am. The deputy editor of Deadspin.
By way of introduction in my new role, I would like to share a sports memory, along with some sports memories from my former colleagues at Jezebel, in a column I am calling Sports Confessions.
In response to pressure to play a sport, I signed up for softball in seventh grade. When the coach did not put me in after many, many games, I grew resentful. One afternoon at practice, I spotted his keys on the bench where I was sitting (always on the bench), and threw them into a bush when he wasn’t looking. — Katie McDonough, senior editor, Jezebel (not actually deputy editor of Deadspin)
I failed swimming in high school because I had such a shitty attitude. — Anna Merlan, senior reporter, Special Projects
The gymnastics class I went to in elementary school would give you a diploma to graduate to the next level and when I got mine, I learned that they were graduating me to the class I had just completed. A very patronizing way of failing me. — Madeleine Davies, managing editor, Jezebel
I “ran cross country” in seventh grade and on the first 1.86-mile run I was so slow that the coach came and ran the last half with me because sports period had ended so long ago. [Also], once I twisted my ankle during soccer game when I was 12 and nobody clapped as I was carried off [the field]. — Joanna Rothkopf, senior editor, Jezebel
I peed in the water at literally every swim team practice I attended, grades 2 through 12. — Kelly Stout, features editor, Jezebel
I thought an animal was involved in water polo. — Anonymous
One time at a Mets vs Giants game—after three beers and two hot dogs—I tried to start a fight with every single Mets fan who crossed my path because after four years living in San Francisco and knowing who Tim Lincecum was turned me into the most irritating human being alive. I am sad to report that no one wanted to fight me except for the people I was with. — Megan Reynolds, staff writer, Jezebel
My sports story is that I was evicted from the seventh grade spelling bee on the first round when I misspelled “athletics.” — Kelly Faircloth, staff writer, Jezebel
I was the only girl on my co-ed basketball team in the sixth grade. I was six inches taller than every guy, but they literally never once passed me the ball in a single game. But you know what? I was pretty bad, so they were making the right choice. — Aimee Lutkin, contributing writer, Jezebel
In tenth grade I played on the tennis team and was ranked 11th in my ENTIRE state. It does NOT matter that I made it there because one team forfeited by not showing up to finals, and my state was Wyoming, the least populous state in America. I WAS ELEVENTH, GODDAMMIT! — Julianne Escobedo Shepherd, deputy editor, Jezebel
I was good at sports. — Stassa Edwards, staff writer, Jezebel
Got a sports confession? Please share in the comments.