Baseball fans are going to be treated to some gruesome numbers this season, courtesy of the bottom five or so teams in baseball, mired in that group of organizations that have no intention of being good in 2019. But the Orioles, man, those poor suckers are rowing out to heretofore unknown new horizons of badness, shitting it up in ways that are almost unimaginable.
Take, for example, dingers. Orioles pitchers are giving up a lot of them. Before this season, 50 dingers was the record for most allowed prior to May 1, and 57 was the record for most allowed in any month, ever. The 2019 Orioles, you will have guessed by now, have beaten both of those records, but this is not one of those times where a record is bumped by a point or two. Oh no.
The Orioles reset the mark for dingers allowed prior to May 1 back on April 20, in the first inning of the second game of a double-header against the Twins. In the ten-ish games since (eight full games, plus the rest of that second game on the 20th, plus part of tonight’s game), Orioles pitchers have allowed another 22 home runs. Wait, it’s now 23—in the time since I started this blog they allowed another. They are giving out dingers faster than a man can blog them.
The O’s have allowed an incredible (and, yes, nice) 69 dingers in the month of April alone, absolutely demolishing the record (57) set by the Oakland Athletics in May of 1964. And the Orioles still have two whole games left this month. The ball is juiced, and dingers are up across baseball, but man the Orioles are something else. Baseball should slaughter-rule their entire season.
Of course he did.