The Cubs, a team we remind you finished behind the Pirates this year, hired Lou "Let's Not Bring Up The Two Languages Thing Again, Please" Piniella as manager yesterday, and, according to ESPN, he wants to bring A-Rod to town.

Sources familiar with the situation told that Piniella, who is extremely close to Rodriguez, expects the Cubs to aggressively pursue the 10-time All-Star. The 63-year-old manager and the 31-year-old Rodriguez have what amounts to a quasi-father/son relationship; Rodriguez was managed in Seattle by Piniella from 1994-2000. It is that relationship — and the tantalizing talent of Rodriguez — that has prompted Piniella to want to explore a trade with the Yankees.

We're less than convinced this will happen — unless the Cubs decide they've had enough of Carlos Zambrano's constant stream of Internet porn — but boy, do we love the idea of A-Rod hanging out in Wrigleyville. Think the guys at the fire station across the street will let him apply the lip liner? You know, if you put him and Bartman in the same locker room, the pipes would all burst, the toilet would back up, the shower would only spray cold water and all the laundry would come out pink. Perhaps Dennis Green could be the locker room office manager.

Piniella Wants To Acquire A-Rod [ESPN]

(By the way, Piniella does know what he's in for, right?)