Imagine, for a moment, that you're Bart Starr, a legendary quarterback, a hero to those who wear processed curds on their head, pretty much an all around prince of the planet. You're 72 years old; you just want to sign your merchandise, make sure your bladder's still working properly and sneak in an occasional nap before "Wheel Of Fortune" comes on at 5:30. And all of a sudden you start receiving these letters in the mail from an 81-year-old woman named Ruby who says he owes her $2 million for damages inflicted on her in 1966.

"And now, the time has come for you to pay — to pay for the many injuries you caused me. ... No I am not a push-over Mr. Starr — and no, I do not need the money — but I intend to see that you pay for your wrong doings (sic) to me ...," said the first letter, dated Oct. 30, 2006, which an agent quoted in part in the affidavit. "How much is it worth to preserve this 'image' presented to the public these many years of who and what you are?"

"I am going to be vindicated one way or another," Young's first letter said, according to the affidavit. "You know very well that any and all tabloids, TV news casters (sic) such as ABC, CBS, NBC, would simply devour this story. ... And thereby, I would collect money from these sources. But, I first want to give you the chance to pay me back in dollars rather than exposure."

While we raise a skeptical brow toward the notion that "TV news casters" would simply devour the story of a 72-year-old former quarterback perhaps maybe possibly boinking a woman 40 years ago, we support Ms. Young in her desire to knock the old athlete oft the loft perch of his screened-in porch. After all, if her "lawsuit" can gain traction, can you imagine the letters we're gonna get from 80-year-old former USC coeds directed to Mister Matt Leinart in 2061? You know what you did, Starr; you know.

Kerrville Woman, 81, Charged In Threat To NFL Icon Starr [My SanAntonio]