We are sorry to disappoint, but our main man David Hirshey is taking a week off from his weekly windings on the world of the English Premier League. (That's soccer, in case you forgot.) He sends the following explanation/report:

Due to a set of circumstances — hangover, work, hangover, no Direct TV at family gathering, hangover — I was unable to watch the big ManU and Chelsea games and can hold forth on nothing today. Should you choose to inform my readers not to plan their life around my post today, you have my permission to say something like: "Our Deadspin soccer columnist David Hirshey is in DC petitioning the U.S. government to deport Juergen Klinsmann for turning down the U.S. national team job. He will resume his Closer responsibilities on Dec. 27 with a report on all the action from Boxing Day, which has nothing to do with Vladimir Klitchko."

In case you were wondering, by the way, Chelsea had a huge win, and some even think the Blues are the favorites again. We have no analysis here.

Are Chelsea Now In Control Of Title Race? [TimesOnline]