Here's what we love about soccer fights; no matter how heated things get, they still won't use their hands. You kick your opponent, and then run away (that part seems to be universal). Our two favorite aspects of this melee between Barcelona and Ecuador on Tuesday are the length โ€” it seems to go on longer than a Super Bowl halftime show โ€” and the dry play-by-play by the broadcaster, who seems to think that he's describing a recreation of the Battle of Hastings. After a few minutes of bemused detachment, we love how he suddenly exclaims "Ow!" somewhere in the middle there.

Hey, you don't come to Quito talkin' the smack.

Lengthy Ban Follows Ecudaor Brawl [CNN]