So someone took the time to actually read the contract that Barry Bonds signed with the Giants on Monday, and they made a startling discovery. According to the fine print, Bonds not only must play both ends of any doubleheaders, he must dress as Paula Abdul in the second game. Also, there's this:
A provision in Bonds' contract allows the team to try to terminate his one-year deal if a federal grand jury indicts him for perjury in the BALCO steroids investigation, according to two major-league sources who confirmed a report by the Associated Press.
That's huge, and evidently was the part of the contract that was covered by Peter Magowan's coffee mug when Bonds was in looking it over. Poor, dumb sap.
But now, the fun part. Bonds' agent, Jeff Borris, said that the steroid provision is unenforceable, because baseball's collective bargaining agreement wouldn't allow it, and takes precedence. And besides, neither he nor Bonds have seen the latest version of the contract with that new wording in it, so Bonds isn't even officially signed yet. Stay tuned for the next Bonds contract update, coming to you soon, but hopefully not before we experience the sweet release of death.