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We will draw you a picture of how we gonna kick your ass, then mail it to you 10 days in advance. The picture gets there, right? You're goin', "What the hell is this?" and then we knock on your door, promptly kick your ass β€” and you still won't know what happened to you!

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β€’ Nokia
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β€’ Toyota

ALSO!

Remember when we had that trivia contest thing, and if you got all three correct, you could win Final Four tickets? Well, someone actually won! Deadspin reader Josh Dysart now has two tickets to the Final Four in Atlanta at the end of the month. Really! We weren't lying about that contest. And we're going to be in Atlanta ourselves this year, so we might just make Josh buy us a beer.

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Anyway, after the jump, Josh discusses his victory.

β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”

I've never won a contest in my life. Even back in grade school, where they specifically rig the contests so everyone wins, I inexplicably seemed to lose. Given that string of bad luck, I'd like to think I was due for a break. Anything at this point. And then it happened. I won! Somehow, I won.

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After a lifetime of non-winning, the only frame of reference I have to compare this feeling to is a scene from A Christmas Story. You know, the beloved American classic TBS feels the need to run for 24 hours straight during Christmas Eve and Day? Right. That one. Anyways, at the very end of the film, there's a scene where Ralphie realizes Santa brought him a Red Ryder BB gun, with a compass in the stock and this thing that tells time, and his dream has been realized. He was an ecstatic little nine-year-old. Hell, he even shot himself in the face five minutes later and didn't care at all. Why? Because he had his BB gun!

And that's pretty much the way I feel right now. After all of the dreaming and countless hours spent reading Deadspin, I get to the Final Four in Atlanta, and nothing is going to ruin it. Well, unless I get
shot in the eye.