Would it surprise you to learn that right now we are wearing the exact same shirt as our friend, Kaka, above? In addition to the gift of spiritual peace and salvation, we will be quickly returned to Jesus if we are ever lost or stolen. So we have that going for us.

All hail AC Milan, which bested Liverpool 2-1 on Wednesday in the Champions League final behind two goals by Filippo Inzaghi. We don't know what Christ's stance on match-fixing would have been, but we're sure it would have been lenient, just as it was for the Milanese. Besides, Jesus was probably too busy coaching his various youth sports teams to even worry about it.

Just Pray These Aren't Already Sold Out [Deadspin]
The Red Phoenix Fail To Rise Again [The Daily Mail]