Guys, We Were Closer When We Gave Up 20 Runs. Go ahead. Make the joke. "It's a football score!" Haw haw haw! Because, see, 20-14 is the kind of final score you might see in an NFL game. But you never hear the joke "Wow, maybe they were playing lacrosse!" Or, "Golly, looks like he should have hit on 14, because the house dealt itself 20!" But actually, this was a baseball score. The Minnesota Twins scored 20 runs on the White Sox in the first game, and followed that act up in the second game of the doubleheader with a 12-0 victory. Without looking, I bet that several Twins had multiple RBI and home runs. Combining both scores, the Twins outscored the Sox 32-14. Wait, 32? That's a weird football score.

"Miller Is Originally A Greek Word, Derived From Milo, Meaning Apple." Not to go all pro-Tigers on everyone, but this was Andrew Miller's longest outing in his young career. He went seven innings, allowing just one run to the Boston Red Sox, winning 9-2. Also, Detroit's Marcus Thames hit a grand slam, but it was with an existing 3-run lead, so I can't comfortably say he "helped" them win. It was already won. Detroit is now tied with the Cleveland Indians for first place in the AL Central.

Gigantism Averted. Ken Griffey will forever be remembered for having as many career home runs as Frank Robinson. Until he hits another one. His 586th career homer came in the Cincinnati Reds' 8-1 rout of the Arizona Diamondbacks.

Maybe He Needs Seven Fingers. The Philadelphia Phillies had the win in hand — Antonio Alfonseca's creepy, creepy hand — but Brad Hawpe's home run in the bottom of the 9th sent the game to extra innings, and Yorvit Torrealba's single in the 11th gave the Colorado Rockies a dramatic 7-6 win. And, aw look, their records are both 43-43. How adorable.

Hey, Fourteen, That's Kind Of A Football Score. Alex Rodriguez's middle-finger-toward-New-York season continues strong, going 3-for-4 and hitting his 29th home run of the season, propelling the Yankees to a 14-9 win over the LA Angels. Bartolo Colon (2 innings, 7 earned runs) was at one time an ace pitcher. Remember that?