I bet you're wondering why one person, namely former NFL player and current Fox Sports commentator Bill Maas, needs both a gun and illegal drugs and his car. You'd think one or the other would suffice for a former lineman, but it's quite simple, actually. See, the guns fend off anyone trying to take his drugs. And if someone steals the gun, then at least he still has his drugs.

Maas and his ridin' mate Sarah Murphy were arrested Friday on a roadside stop for ... well, he had a .22 caliber revolver, marijuana, cocaine, and Ecstasy in his car. You guess what he was charged with.

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The roadside arrest trifecta would have been complete had Ms. Murphy been a paid escort, but I only have enough shame to assume the worst about my ex-girlfriends.

NFL Broadcaster Arrested On Drug, Gun Charges [MSNBC]
Sure, Officer, You Can Search My Car! [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
Roger Goodell Cannot Be Pleased [Winning The Turnover Battle]