As you surely knew, everyone's favorite smoldering volcano of goodness, ex-major league All-Star Jose Offerman, is playing for the Long Island Ducks of the Independent Atlantic League this season. Or, he was, until he went after opposing players with a bat on Tuesday night. Let's see Bonds try this.

Offerman homered in the first inning. The next inning, he was hit by a pitch from Bridgeport's Matt Beech and charged the mound with his bat. Offerman hit Beech in the hands and struck catcher John Nathans in the head. The game was delayed for about 20 minutes because of the melee. Offerman, Beech and Bridgeport manager and former major league pitcher Tommy John were all ejected.

Offerman was arrested following the game (exact charges remain unspecified) and bailed himself out last night. He is now resting comfortably in a padded room.

Hey, what I want to know is, where was the team's goddamned duck mascot? If own the Long Island franchise and I sign Offerman, I make sure that duck's only job is to keep an eye on him and if things go wrong, charge out there and distract him like a rodeo clown. Even during away games.

Ex All-Star Arrested For Hitting Foes With Bat [MSNBC]

Ex-Big Leaguer Offerman Arrested After Bat Incident [USA Today]