TV? Check. Beer? Check. Potato Chips? Check. Coke? Hold on — *sniff* — check. Fathead wall graphic? Of course! OK, good. You're finally ready to watch some damn football. Here's a quick preview to set the table.
Buffalo at Pittsburgh, CBS
The Bills don't have a chance in Buffalo — AKA hell — of winning this game. Lynch will probably get hurt; Losman will take a dump on the field; and they'll lose by about 80 points. Yes, I believe in the reverse jinx.
Houston at Carolina, CBS
Here's to hoping someone returns a punt or kickoff for a touchdown in this one. My Sunday's just not complete without an excited Gus Johnson play call.
Cincinnati at Cleveland, CBS
Chad Johnson hopes to score a touchdown in Cleveland today. So do I. Ocho, from the AP: "They can give me some popcorn - throw some beers at me - whatever they want to do. I'm going to jump in the Dawg Pound." Sweet!
Tennessee at Indianapolis, CBS
The last time these two met, Tennessee kicker Rob Bironas kicked a 60-yard FG with 7 seconds remaining for the Titans win. Jason Elam is not impressed.
New Orleans at Tampa Bay, FOX
Both teams are still looking for their first touchdown. I'm still looking for the Swank magazine I'm sure my buddies have hidden in my apartment. I've checked in the fridge, my guitar case, on top of the ceiling fan...
San Francisco at St. Louis, FOX
Fact: Both my high school and university schools had a ram as its mascot. I love the Niners in this one. Love 'em.
Green Bay at New York Giants, FOX
If Eli Manning can't play, some big fat dude gets the start at QB for the Giants. If Eli Manning can play, I get to yell "Elisha" at the television for the next three hours. It's a win-win situation, really.
Atlanta at Jacksonville, FOX
Enjoy the games.