What to watch after you tell a 109-year-old to get off your lawn ...
• MLB: Cincinnati at Chicago Cubs. It's just about Steve Bartman time, isn't it? [ESPN]
• Soccer: UEFA Champions League: Olympique Lyonnais at Barcelona (same day tape). Don't tell me who won! (As if it wasn't a scoreless tie). [ESPN Classic]
• Bowling: Women's U.S. Open. Marge, darling. There are ten pins in my heart, you've knocked over eight. Won't you please pick up that spare? [ESPN2]