Big Bad Schaub's getting killed by the Jags, Purple Jesus is running on water, the Rams lost to the Ravens AND the Eagles, Derek Anderson is throwing multiple touchdowns again, Tony Gonzalez passed Shannon Sharpe's career TE TD-record, Matt Bryant's 43-yard field goal wins it for the Bucs, and Jason Campbell has less then a minute to march the Skins down the field. Phew. Let's get to those four o'clockers, shall we ...

• Patriots at Cowboys, CBS. Weird. I didn't even know that these two teams were playing today at 4:15, live across the nation on CBS, with hundreds of cameras rolling and waiting to capture every Tom Brady and Tony Romo move. Perhaps I'll watch. Cheaters by 13.

• Panthers at The Buzzsaw That Is The Arizona Cardinals, FOX. I wonder if God's going to have any free time to help Kurt Warner out today. One would have to think that The Big Guy Upstairs is exhausted from helping out those damn Rockies every night for the past month. Kitties by 3.

• Raiders at Chargers, CBS. First place in the AFC West is on the line! The Raiders lead the division at 2-2, with Norv's Boys right behind them. How pathetic is that? Bolts by 17.