• And I'm Not Even Counting The Wraparounds. Nineteen years after he scored his first NHL goal, Jeremy Roenick finally netted number 500 in the Sharks' 4-1 victory over the Coyotes. J.R. became just the third American-born player to reach 500 goals, and ranks 40th in goals and 44th in points on the career lists. But here's what I don't understand: Why does the NHL still refuse to recognize the 900 some-odd goals I scored with Roenick over a three-day period back in '94? Was it because I had mono?

• Sieve. Marty Turco gave up five goals on six shots in the third period as the Stars collapsed down the stretch, handing the Kings an improbable 6-5 overtime win. If this isn't reason enough to decrease the size of the net ... well... then I don't know what is.


• For Moose. Marcel Hossa's decisive shootout goal gave the Rangers a 3-2 victory over the Maple Laughs in Toronto's annual Hockey Hall of Fame game. Astonishingly, Mark Messier, Ron Francis, Al MacInnis and Scott Stevens were all held pointless.

• Try And Figure This One Out. For the third straight game, Satan scored the winning goal ... this one against the Devils. *Scratches head* Is Lucifer turning upon himself? Man ... that God ... He's crafty.