For the rest of 2007, the NHL Closer will be written by the fine folks at Melt Your Face Off. Enjoy.
As we learned earlier this week, our esteemed Combudsman Rob Iracane laid out the "Top Ten Commenting Memes That Should Die in 2008." We here at MYFO wish to assist Rob in this venture. So strap yourselves in, puckheads, because today's NHL Closer is dedicated to eradicating those 10 memes. If we can prevent Mr. Iracane one less case of "red ass," as he so eloquently put it, this thread will be considered a success. A couple of his other commenting pet peeves will be thrown in as well, just for fun. I just hope no one complains that this hoc-key? column was too long.
Ray Emery wouldn't have made it in the racist city of Boston, either. After discovering last week that their general manager Garth Snow is gay, the New York Islanders had to suffer the indignity of getting smothered by the Ottawa Senators 5-2 last night. Three goals in the second period, including goals by Jason Spezza and Daniel Alfredsson in the opening three minutes, essentially sealed the deal. Ottawa once again went with Martin Gerber instead of Emery, who made 24 saves to improve his record this season to 19-5-1.
Johan Holmqvist is totally screwing up my fantasy team. Similar to when those assholes the Duke Blue Devils hockey team beat the shit out of George Mason 22-1 last month, the Montreal Canadiens kept pouring it on against the Tampa Bay Lightning, ultimately going up 5-0 early in the third period. Pencil-necked dickhead Bill Simmons probably could figure out a way to defend these two squads of degenerates, just like he does with the Patriots. Shit, I'm sure Tim Hardaway hates the hack. Moving on, despite making 28 saves, Cristobal Huet did allow two goals in the third, but by that time the damage was already done and the Habs went on to win 5-2.
No love for the Minnesota Wild? Apparently, the philosophy of the Wild organization is:
1) Insert Niklas Backstrom back in net after several games on the bench
Backstrom was spectacular in his return, making an astounding 46 saves in the Wild's 3-2 victory over the Phoenix Coyotes. I planned on including the video replay of Nickelback-lover Mark Parrish's sweet backhanded power play goal, but most of you at work wouldn't have been able to see it anyway. Perhaps Kige Ramsey will begin recapping NHL hockey for YouTube Sports and you can watch it at home.
So there you have it, folks. I believe I have included all ten of Iracane's 10 memes he believes should be put down before the New Year. As long as Nibbles is in a cooperative mood, you can let me know if I missed any in the comments. As an aside, I was planning on including nude photos of the Rangers City Skaters in today's NHL Closer but I figured someone would bitch about getting fired over them. Que Sera, Sera.
And remember, if you crave all the NHL action you can get, be sure to tune in tonight for four games on XM Satellite Radio!!!