What you missed while wondering why (a) they didn't go with "always be condoming," and (b) the one taped there was for sale, because, well...
• NCAA basketball: Final Four sloughs off coastal teams, history, tradition, aura, grit, and potential ratings, leaving Memphis and Kansas to play for the title.
• NBA: Orlando seems to have been bestowed a basketball franchise. I saw no media release. Magic beat Cavaliers 101-86 to clinch third seed in the Eastern Conference.
• NHL: That's Capitals with a capital "C." Washington clinches Southeast Division with 3-1 win over the Florida Panthers.