Forgive the momentary diversion, but I've taken as much as I can from this G2 ad and I can't takes no more. Seriously, what the fuck is the deal with this thing? The Sporting Blog had a fine piece the other week decrying the various grating NBA Playoff commercials that are quickly driving us to self-mutilation, but I feel this one deserves a spot near the top of the list.

The setting: They're at some pool competition Alonzo Mourning hosted with Magic Johnson in February...talking about 'Zo's golf game? Who is this girl? Why does she say Tiger as "Tigeh"? If 'Zo is the next Tiger, I'm the next Brady. (If I keep drinking this Red Bull, I'm bound to cheat on more women).

What sort of lifestyle does consumption of a low-calorie version of Gatorade suggest? Perhaps it is the beverage of choice for terribly body-conscious dudes who were weirded out that Vitamin Water designed a flavor for the Sex and the City movie (cause that'd make them gay, brah). Or just dipshits. It's a hard demo to pin down.

Anyway, here's a list of people who I think are living the G2 life:

  • Apparently Alonzo Mourning
  • David Archuleta
  • Eric Byrnes
  • Shia LaBeouf
  • Mike Greenberg
  • Jonathan Papelbon
  • Matt Leinart
  • Pete Wentz
  • Jimmy Fallon
  • Phil Mickelson (now that he's on Entourage)
  • The cast of Entourage
  • I don't know. There are probably more. Just kill this ad with all necessary brutality. NOWNOWNOWNOWNOW