White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen's verbal attacks on reporters, general managers, players, fans, and blow-up dolls are somewhat disturbing, if not highly entertaining for those of us who don't have to deal with them directly. But did you know you too can be eviscerated by Ozzie if you type with the appropriate amount of bile?

Guillen has made his e-mail public, so White Sox fans far and wide can tell him how spectacular a job he's doing, or just anonymously insult him without imminent threat of physical retaliation. Chicago Tribune writer Rick Morrissey decided to test the account to see if Guillen really did check it. The writer fired away numerous semi-anonymous, timid, annoying messages to Guillen to see if he'd bite. None of them did — until Morrissey sent this one that "ripped" Guillen for this car dealership ad:

Ozzie:

I just saw your car dealership ad with Piniella. You should stick to managing. 77-year-old Jack McKeon can rap better than you.

Rick

Surprisingly, this irked Guillen enough that he felt compelled to write back:

You have to be stupid. Get a life, loser. I hope you have no kids. They have to be like you.

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This back-and-forth went on for another few emails until Morrissey finally achieved his goal. He later fessed up to Ozzie about his experiment, who took it surprisingly well. Guillen said the ground rules for emailing him are easy to follow. Complain about the lineup. Question his judgment. Tell him how much better the Cubs are this season. But...:

"But when they say things about my family or 'Go pick coffee beans back in your country,' I get mad. I say, In my country, we don't have coffee, but we got a lot of oil."

You know the rules. You've been warned.

Guillen really does answer his email [Chicago Tribune]